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Trump Gifts Country Extra Hour

Mar-a-Lago, FL – In a gesture of his benevolence, President Donald J. Trump has gifted an hour of additional time to all Americans except those living in Arizona, Hawaii, American Samoa, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands.  It is unknown, at this time, if the sleight of these citizens has direct correlation to any specific lack of fealty by any or all of them or, with the possible exception of Arizona, he was simply unaware that they were among his flock.  Although no specific guidelines were issued as to how the time should be used, a White House source has suggested that anti-impeachment posts and tweets could be considered as capital in defense of looming charges of treason.

In a related story, the Surgeon General has warned that the extra hour of uneasy sleep could be psychologically damaging and that small dogs should be kept out of kicking distance.