I was getting ready to batten down my hatches when it suddenly occurred to me that I had no hatches and I’m really not sure what battening is anyway. Then, I thought, I should be taking Wolf Blitzer’s advice, (the generally agreed upon course of defensive action), and start “hunkering down”. Again, even if I knew what hunkering was, (I think it’s got something to do with yoga), I‘m pretty certain that I’m not much of a hunkerer.

So, if I’ve got this right…a potentially disastrous storm the size of Europe comes steaming up the East coast and, with about a week’s preparation, federal, state and local governments and a shit load of emergency agencies mount a highly coordinated and cooperative effort to minimize injury, death, property damage and disruption of vital services. Recognizing that we have fallen dreadfully short of such a positive response in our recent past, we should all be aware of and not take for granted when it works the way we expect. To those who still think we need less government in our lives, try this on your own.

Now, we should create a list of cutesy alphabetical names and consider unemployment, health, education and our crumbling infrastructure as threats from Mother Nature instead of threats from greedy Mother F***ers. We could rework all of those economic graphs and charts to look more like menacing green, orange and purple swirly things and have computer models show them bearing down on us from every direction and have ‘ireports’ of live plant closings and people being evicted from their homes and mile after mile of pot-holed roads and crumbling bridges and we could get Jerry Lewis to stay up all night, (he’s just better at it than Wolf), warning us to “hunker” and there should be a tote board…yeah, a tote board and…