Having just spent some concentrated time with my 7 and 3-year-old grandchildren, I can tell you that, contrary to their blustering resistance, most children, (and adults for that matter), prefer to have a set of clear-cut rules in place, if only, at times, to snicker at the thrill of knowingly breaking them. However, inundated by layer upon layer of diverse and contradictory sets of regulation and convention, we have become numbed, distracted, self-evaluating and arbitrarily selective, (sometimes dangerously so), regarding the extent to which we follow the rules piled upon us. Speeding through the intersection on the amber, cheating on a test, (any test), adding a penny or two to everyone’s phone bill, (who’s going to notice?), lying, stealing, (please include the sharing and copying of music, movies, etc. that are not legal to share or copy), putting butter on your corn-on-the-cob during your otherwise-kosher fleishich dinner…I could continue, but there are rules regarding the overly zealous use of sarcasm. Libertarians, (the pure, laissez-faire kind anyway), would argue that everyone should be left alone to police their own ethical path, yet history, recent and ancient, would not bear out a very positive result for humans ever having been moral or wise enough to support such an idea. Punishment, (a whole other set of rules, too often thoughtlessly designed and imposed), the deterrent to not toeing the line is spottily effective…hardly at all with children; mildly annoying to drivers; minimal or dismissed for cheaters; not enough for the phone company; and I heard, (I dare anyone to dispute this), that god doesn’t eat corn, buttered or otherwise. We lock people, (mostly those too poor to cheat the system), away for breaking any number of rules, but most incarcerations are merely ‘time-outs’ that, at best, momentarily, (or slightly longer for really heinous offenses), pause rather than alter or eliminate bad behavior. Meanwhile, lawyers, millions and millions of lawyers, first draft then enact the countless and confusing rules and regulations for absolutely everything, with the soul purpose of perpetuating litigious reinterpretation of every “whereas” regarding to the parties of any part.

With my grandchildren, sensing their resistance and inability to absorb, no less follow a free-flowing barrage of dos and don’ts, I condensed the list considerably. I’m not saying my rules would be easy to implement universally, (and I would maybe eliminate the supplementary “Remember, Papa’s the coolest!” and “Hug Papa every chance you get!” items), but they would certainly be better than what we’ve been living with thus far.

THE RULES

#1 No hitting, (including kicking and biting)…ever!

#2 Be nice!