The past twelve months blipped by too fast
Alas,
It’s time to share
My recapitulated point of view
Of life and death and ObamaCare
From where I sit, it wasn’t too rosy
We humans ain’t doin’ so good
We’re still at war, we cheat, we lie
Overall, I think we could
Do much better before it’s too late
Before all of the demons are out of the gate
Before we’re consumed by ideological hate
But wait!
I postulate
That we’ve rallied before
Please sir, can I have some more?
I’m just not quite ready to close that door
Sure, I’m sore
But today’s the world’s birthday
And I’m imagining cake
With 2,014 wishing candles
And if I can take
One honkin’ big breath
And blow them out in one blow
And the wish thing is real
(It could happen, you know?)
Though I can’t tell you my wish
‘Cause it might not be granted
If that part of the wish cycle
Is superstitiously slanted
Towards secrecy to make it come true
Pretend I’m whispering this only to you
Psssst…there’d be way, way more smiling
And an end to disease
More kindness, more tolerance
Oh
And one more thing, please
A pony
I’ve asked for one since, well, since I can remember
And don’t some people get stuff that they want
At the end of December?
But I would even trade that
My spirits would be lifted
If Peace, Paz, Paix
Could be universally re-gifted
So,
With that thought in mind
Here I go, one more time
Recalling last year’s events
In odd-coupletted rhyme !
•••
We leapt with both feet off of the fiscal cliff
I guess we’re in free fall
They say, women soldiers are fit for combat
They’re only women after all
Great Britain said, “Gay marriage is cool”
The Boy Scouts will look the other way
I guess it’s a start, but it still pains my heart
That we need to legislate the right to be gay
(The Limerick Corner)
Queen Beatrix quit Netherlands’ throne
To let her son Bill sit alone
Now Bill-Al wears the crown
Let’s shut all this royalty crap down
With common sense or a remotely flown drone?
•
Pope Benedict quit in a huff
Poping was bad for his health so, enough!
But have no fear
Francis is Time’s Man-of-the-Year
As signaled by a smoky white puff
•••
They’re eating horse in Europe
Carnival’s Triumph got lost at sea
At least Gilligan had an island
And a decent place to pee
Jesse Jackson, Jr. stole campaign funds
Morgan/Chase was fined $13B, those crooks
George Zimmer was ousted from Men’s Warehouse
I don’t like the way that looks
American Airlines and US merged
They’re now the biggest in the skies
Jodi Arias was found guilty after a stupidly lengthy trial
Couldn’t they just see it in her eyes?
Xi Jinping is China’s new Pres
NYC passes 8 million folks
NJ lets gay marriage happen by default
Despite all of those Jersey Shore jokes
The Supreme court got rid of DOMA
Prop 8 and the Voting Rights Act
Affirmative Action is no longer the law of this land
Their opinion, now a fact
Morsi was ousted in Egypt
Detroit has hit rock bottom
And its former mayor Kwame
Got 28 years once they got him
One World Trade is our tallest tower
Its antenna is, [giggle], really a spire
The signing guy at Mandela’s memorial
Was a big fat signing liar
Bob Filner harassed women as San Diego’s mayor
He was only hand-slapped for his crimes
Rob Ford smoked crack in a series of stupors
During some Torontonian mayoral good times
Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post
ISON flew too close to the sun
The Senate passed the ‘Nuclear Option’
To get something…anything done
John Kiriakou, Bradley Manning, Ed Snowden
Leaked secrets to the press
John was found guilty, Bradley was not
And Ed’s learning Russian, I guess
The Tea Party shut down the government
Fighting ObamaCare with fear
And ‘Selfie’ not ‘Twerk’ or ‘Phleegle’
Was Oxford Dictionary’s word-of-the-year
The most used baby names last year were:
Lucas, Mia, Liam, Jayden
Ethan, Isabella, Jacob
Noah, Sophia, Aiden
Olivia, Emma, Jackson
Mason, Lily, Chloe
Ava, Jack and Emily
And last but not least, Zoe
Typhoon Halyan ravaged the Philippines
Mother Nature can be cruel
19 hostages were murdered
In a grab for Algerian fuel
A Make-A-Wish kid’s wish to be Batboy
Brought thousands to Frisco’s streets
The AHCA website was abominably bad
Prompting sneers, and jeers and tweets
Jang Song Thaek’s no Dennis Rodaman
Kim Jong Un said, “Off with his head!”
“Besides”, he said, “there’s Shakespearean precedent
For wanting your uncle dead.”
•••
Al-Jazeera bought Current TV
Jimmy Falon will take over Tonight
The Fantasticks passed 20,000 performances
Try to remember that…alright?
Beyonce lip synced the inaugural anthem
The Batmobile sold for $4M bucks
Lil Wayne got censored
For using three too many fucks
Pleyel Piano closed after 200 years
It’s sad they had to go
GE sold NBC/Universal
Comcast paid a pile of dough
Reese Witherspoon freaked on the cops
That stopped her husband’s car
Carol Burnett got the Mark Twain humor prize
For being one of the funniest women by far
Gotye and Mumford & Sons were the top Grammy picks
“Argo” was Oscar’s Best Movie choice
Some people no one will remember
Won “American Idol”, “X-Factor” and “The Voice”
The Rock Hall nominees were Nirvana
Linda Rondstadt, Cat Stevens, Link Ray
Hall and Oates, The Meters, Kiss
The Zombies and L L Cool J
N.W.A., Deep Purple
The Paul Butterfield Blues Band, Chic
YES, The Replacements and Peter Gabriel
Because they were all so musically unique
The Academy of Arts and Sciences inducted:
Bruce Springsteen, Pete Seeger, Jonas Mekas
Herbie Hancock, Robert De Niro, Sally Field, Annie Dillard
And Natasha Trethewey just to freak us
The Kennedy Center Honors were awarded
To Billy Joel, Herbie Hancock, for two
Carlos Santana, Martina Arroyo
And Shirley MacLaine, who already knew
Blue is the Warmest Color
Won the coveted Palme d’Or
Dylan was inducted into the American Academy of Arts and Letters
For knowing what all the letters were for
•••
Lance confessed to Oprah
Manti Te’O had a made-up girl
Boston beat St. Louis in six
To become champions of the worl…d
Diana Nyad swam from Cuba to Florida
Andy Murray got the Wimbledon win
The Blackhawks took the Stanley Cup
And the Heat were champs ag’in
Doc Rivers is now the Clippers coach
Jason Collins, the first Pro to come out
Bama trounced Notre Dame
In a one-sided BCS rout
The Ravens won Super Bowl XLVII
Louisville won the big NCAA game
At the Daytona 500 33 spectators were hurt
But, isn’t that actually why they all came?
•••
In Memorium
John Sheardown sheltered Americans in Iran
Mamie Rearden lived to One-Fourteen
Jeanne Manford started PFLAG to speak out for gay rights
If you know what I mean
Michael Cronin named Tivo and Kindle
Tingye Li designed lasers we use
Fred Turner’s McNuggets and McMuffins
Have led to arterially obstructed abuse
Richard Ben Cramer won a Pulitzer
For his political writing and such
Eugene Patterson wrote about civil rights in the South
Where they didn’t like him very much
Aaron Swarz was a cultural liberator
He blogged about what it means to be free
Robert Levenson wrote that, “Everybody doesn’t like something
But nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee”
James Hood integrated the U of Alabama
Stefan Kudelski invented the Nagra recorder
Ed Koch tried against all odds
To keep NYC in order
Roy Brown Jr. designed the Edsel
Paul McIlhenny made Tabasco Sauce
Hugo Chavez didn’t like us at all
When he was Venezuela’s boss
Billie Sol Estes was a con man from Texas
Jim Barrett brought California wine fame
Patty Cake was the first gorilla born in the US
But, what an embarrassing name
C. Everett Koop was our Surgeon General
He fought against smoking and AIDS
Leonard Marsh was the founder of Snapple®
With all those sugary sweet teas and in odd shades
Frank Lautenberg fought big tobacco
Jack Germond commented with style
Eiji Toyoda pushed the family business
To make cars using less gas per mile
Ewald-Heinrich von Kleist was a Valkyrie plotter
Chuck Foley was a Twister creator
Margaret Thatcher was the Iron Lady
You could love her, you could hate her
Jeng Sary co-founded the Khmer Rouge
Mary Thom championed the feminist cause
Richard Ramirez, The Night Stalker, died in prison
For breaking the Thou Shalt Not Kill and a few other laws
Sam Farber gave us Oxo® utensils
Doug Engelbart invented the ‘mouse’
Helen Thomas covered eleven presidents
As a reporter in the White House
Virginia Johnson studied sex with Bill Masters
She’s re-famous now on the TV
Where Bill Porter’s palsy was depicted, in Door to Door
As the best salesman he could be
Niculae Asciu illustrated for The New Yorker
Al Neuharth was USA Today’s chief
John Billingham started SETI
Due to his alien existence belief
Salustiano Sanchez-Blazquez was the oldest man in New York
At 112 plus a month or two
Charles Pollock designed the Pollock Chair
What else was he going to do?
Murrey Marder helped bring down McCarthy
That smarmy, right-winged slimy weasel
Cal worthington would eat a bug
If it helped sell you a Smart Car or diesel
William Lowe pioneered IBM’s PC
Scott Carpenter orbited the Earth
Tom Foley was Speaker of the House
When that office still had some net worth
Chinua Achebe wrote Things Fall Apart
Bill Eppridge’s photo showed RFK shot
Peter Lewis ran Progressive Insurance
And fought fiercely to legalize pot
Berthold Beitz sheltered Jews in Poland
Gen. Vo Nguyen Giap ousted US from Viet Nam
Red Burns was the Godmother of Silicon Alley
But nobody called her Godmom
Charles Vest was the president of MIT
He proposed we could all learn on-line
Janet Rowley discovered that genetics
Were a reliable cancer sign
Harold Camping was a whacko doomsdayer
Ronnie Bigg’s made British train-robbing news
Edgar Bronfman ran Seagram and the World Jewish Congress
Combining philanthropy, booze and Jews
Scientists Francois Jacob, Frederick Sanger and David Hubel
Each won the big Nobel Prize
Robert Ressler first used “serial killer”
To describe those badly bent guys
Some people are inventors of useless things
Some people are cookers of meth
Mikhail Kalashnikov designed the AK47
To make it easier for mass murdering death
•••
Nelson Mandela
“Nkosi sikelel’ iAfrika”
•••
Mike Hopkins made sound for The Lord of the Rings
Jayne Cortez was a lyrical jazz poet
Pauline Phillips was Dear Abby’s real name
Though most people didn’t know it
“How Much is that Doggie in the Window?”
Was a hit for Patti Page
Annette Funicello was the Mousketeer with tits
In a far more innocent age
Gloria Pall was the hostess, Voluptua
For weekly movies in LA
David Ellis directed Snakes on a Plane
What more is there to say?
Huell Howser was a personality on PBS
Conrad Bain starred on Diff’rent Strokes
Robert Wachs ran the Comic Strip club
Where Eddie Murphy first got paid to tell jokes
Claude Nobs ran The Montreux Jazz Festival
Stuart Freeborn gave Yoda his looks
Sol Yurick wrote The Warriors
One of those well-read right-of-passage books
Reg Presley sang “Wild Thing” with the Troggs
Bobbie Smith was the Spinners lead voice
Paul Tanner played the theremin part
For those “Good Vibrations” Beach Boys
Michael Winner directed Death Wish and Scorpio
Rick Huxley played bass for The Dave Clark Five
Patty Andrews of those singing sisters
Was the very last Andrews sister alive
Harry Reems was the doctor in Deep Throat
In the earlier days of porn
Donald Byrd was a jazz master
Who blew a different horn
Andre Cassagnes invented the Etch-A-Sketch
George Gruntz was a big band leader
The original guitarist of YES was Banks
Oh yes…his first name was Peter
Nagisa Oshima directed In the Realm of the Senses
Mindy McCready was a country star
Magic Slim was a showman of the blues
On his flamboyantly bluesy guitar
“Sugarfoot” Bonner was frontman of the Ohio Players
Cleotha Staples was from that clan
Van Clybourne was a virtuoso
And a revered piano man
Damon Harris was the lead Temptation
Richard Street was his brother in kind
They called Frank Bank Lumpy on Leave It to Beaver
But I’m sure he didn’t mind
Chris Kyle wrote American Sniper
Then someone shot him dead
Jewel Akins had a hit with “The Birds and the Bees”
But it was the only hit in his head
Buck Biggers co-created Underdog
Bebo Valdez was a mambo king
Roger Ebert rated movies with both of his thumbs
Kinda dumb, but it was his thing
Shadow Morton produced The Shagri-Las
And wrote “The Leader of the Pack”
We lost hilarious Eileen Brennan
And the mysterious Karen Black
Pat Derby trained Flipper and Lassie
And fought for animals’ rights
Deke Richards wrote “Love Child” for the Supremes
One of the brightest of Motown’s bright lights
Dale Robertson was a TV bad ass
Bonnie Franklin took it One Day at a Time
Stanley Snadowsky was the proprietor
Of New York’s eclectic Bottom Line
Petro Vlahos invented the ‘Green Screen’
Allowing for dazzling visual techniques
Storm Thorgerson’s cover for Dark Side of the Moon
Appealed to all of us psychedelic freaks
Bobby Rogers co-founded The Miracles
Malachi Throne played many parts
Richard Griffiths won praise in Great Britain and here
For his mastery of thespian arts
Fay Kanin was a blacklisted screenwriter
Ruth Prawer Jhabvala wrote Room With a View
Jane Henson was the Muppets mom
The whole felty-faced, google-eyed crew
Alvin Lee played guitar for Ten Years After
Hugh McCracken just played smokin’ guitar
Jack Greene was the Jolly Greene Giant
And a Grand Ole Opry star
Robert Relyea produced Bullit
West Side Story and Jailhouse Rock
Carmine Infantino publish DC Comics
For all of the cool kids on the block
Milo O’Shea delighted us
On the stage and on the screen
Esther Williams excelled in the pool
Or as the French say, la piscine
Johnny Smith wrote Walk, Don’t Run
Ed Shaughnessy played drums on Tonight
Maria Tallchief mesmerized us in the NYC Ballet
She could ronde de jambe just right
Edward Bland made Cry of Jazz
Depicting black jazz musicians’ life
Eydie Gorme was an amazing singer
And the late Steve Lawrence’s wife
•
Jonathan Winters was a master
At making people smile
By releasing the cast of characters in his head
To delight us for a while
•
Richie Havens sang first at Woodstock
George Jones sang with a twang
Slim Whitman was famous for yodeling
What other singers simply sang
Dwike Mitchell played jazz piano
Dr. Joyce Brothers got in our head
Kongar-ol Ondar didn’t wail on a typical ax
He played his throat, instead
Dean Drummond reinvented percussion
Janos Starker played cello, so fine
Andy Johns engineered Exile on Main Street
And was an old, old friend of mine
•
And speaking of friends, and yes, mentors
Phil Ramone was a guiding force
His musical legacy speaks volumes on its own
And the public Phil was unequalled, of course
But the private Phil was even grander
And his family and his friends
Find comfort and solace in knowing
His love and music never ends
•
Don Shirley played jazz and classical keys
Bob Brozman, indigenous guitar
Collin Davis would wave his hands and baton
So the London Symphony would play the right bar
Ray Harryhausen pioneered movie special FX
Deanna Durbin sang in the pictures
Paul Smith was a first rate accompanist
And one of Ella’s long time fixtures
Mulgrew Miller brought passion and soul to his music
And left us far too soon
Jack Vance wrote stories about the future
When we were living on the moon
Jean Stapleton:Edith Bunker
It’s hard to separate the two
I loved the singer, Bobby Bland
Though his fans all called him ”Blue”
Bernard Waber drew Lyle the Crocodile
Clarence Burke, Jr. sang “O-o-ooh Child”
James Gandolfini played characters that seemed to have a kind heart
But you wouldn’t want to get them riled
Marshall Lytle played bass on “Rock Around the Clock”
Marvin Junior sang “Oh, What a Night”
Toshi Seeger loved Pete for more than sixty years
And helped him fight his folkie fight
Jean Bach was a jazz historian
Sam Most played a jazzy flute
Jim Nayder produced The Annoying Music Show
For the fun of it, not the loot
Mack Emerman’s Criteria Studios were in Miami Beach
Vince Flynn wrote CIA thrillers
Elmore Leonard was the master of finding the fun
In con men and thieves and cold killers
Bernard Sahlins co-founded Second City
Where comedy learned to thrive
Amar Bose worked magic with speakers and headphones
To make serious sounds come alive
Alan Myers was the drummer in Devo
Laurie Frink taught trumpeter’s chops
Sid Bernstein promoted the Beatles at Shea
And had to hire 600 cops
Bert Stern shot Marilyn for Vogue
Gary David Goldberg created Family Ties
Dennis Farina was a Law and Order star
And played scores of other tough guys
Curtis Harnack was the president of Yaddo
Page Black sang “Chock Full o’Nuts”
John Palmer was a newsman on NBC
No ifs, no ands, no buts
Michael Shipley was a top record mixer
Michael Ansara played Cochise and Kang
Margaret Pellegrini was one of the Munchkins
Who giggled and danced and sang
Donald Bevan wrote Stalag 17
And drew caricatures on Sardi’s wall
Marilyn King sang with her sisters
And was the last King sister of them all
Richard Matheson was a sci-fi writer
Of I Am Legend renown
J J Cale wrote “After Midnight”
So he could let it all hang down
Steve Jones wrote about music for USA Today
Jack Clement produced country hits
David Frost got Nixon to blab away
By relying on his wits
John Hollander was an intellectual poet
Herb Kaplow announced for ABC news
Maxine Powell taught Motown acts poise and style
Like which clothes went with what shoes
Lloyd Moss wrote Zin! Zin! Zin! A Violin
Jane Harvey swung with Benny G
Marian McParltland perfected “Piano Jazz”
To be the jazziest it could be
Julie Harris’s star shone on Broadway
Ted Post directed Hang em High!
Luciano Vicenzoni wrote that movie and many more
Now he’s in that big spaghetti western in the sky
Ray Manzarek was my pal and the musical sound of The Doors
George Duke was a gentleman of jazz
Ray Dolby invented more cool things for sound
Than anybody has
Gilbert Taylor choreographed Dr. Strangelove
Star Wars and A Hard Day’s Night
Dick LaPalm used his boundless kindness
To fight the excellence-in-music fight
Jackie Lomax was a British rocker
And my soccer mate in ‘72
Lou Reed was the Velvet Underground voice
And the colored girls go, “Doo-di-doo-di-doo”
Cedar Walton improvised on eighty-eight keys
Arik Einstein, a folksinger by trade
Lou Scheimer founded Filmation
Where animated Archie and Star Trek were made
Seamus Heaney was a Nobel poet
Lee Tanner snapped many jazz cats
Ed Lauter was an actor of characters
So, he wore lots of characters’ hats
Tom Clancy wrote tales of intrigue and adventure
The Honeymooners’, Trixie was Jane Kean
Allan Block’s Sandal and Folk Music Shop
Defined the Greenwich Village scene
Saul Landau documented the radical left
Oscar Hijuelos wrote of Mambo Kings
Anthony Hinds produced Die, Die My Darling
And many more horror-ible things
Stanley Kauffmann wrote about film for the New Republic
“I Wish You Love” was by Gloria Lynne
Hal Needham directed Smokey and the Bandit and Cannonball Run
For Burt Reynolds, [not dead], to star in
Marcia Wallace was Edna Krabbapel
Barbara Park wrote of Junie B. Jones
Frank West made the flute and the saxophone
Resonate with memorable jazz tones
Dick Dodd was lead singer of The Standells
Doris Lessing won a Nobel for prose
Sylvia Browne was a psychic, but didn’t see it coming
And that’s the way that goes
Noel Harrison was in The Girl from U.N.C.L.E.
And sang “The Windmills of Your Mind”
Jim Hall was probably the coolest jazz guitarist
That you will ever find
Marc Breaux choreographed Mary Poppins and Sound of Music
Dancing penguins and nazis and nuns
Tom Laughlin was Billy Jack
Who used his fists instead of guns
William Harrison wrote Rollerball and Mountains of the Moon
Al Plastino drew DC comics for years
Deran Sarafian directed Vanishing Point
About speed and grinding gears
John Tavener was a British composer
Evoking emotion, tone and hue
Al Goldstein used his journalistic freedom
To print synonyms for Screw
Christopher Koch wrote The Year of Living Dangerously
Oscar Castro-Neves played bossa guitar
Farooq Shaikh was well-known in India
As a big, bold, Bollywood star
A. C. Lyles was a legendary Paramount producer
Ray Price sang “San Antonio Rose”
Peter O’Toole played Lawrence and so many other memorable parts
That everybody knows
Kermit Moore was a cellist/conductor
Chico Hamilton kept a cool jazz beat
Syd Field wrote the book on screenwriting, “plot points”
Which is really kind of neat
Paul Torday wrote Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Martin Sharp designed the Disraeli Dreams cover
George Rodrigue was an important painter
If you were a Blue Dog lover
Eleanor Parker was the baroness in The Sound of Music
Eduard Molinaro directed La Cage aux Folles
Tony Musante took parts on the stage and the screen
Whenever he got the call
Audrey Totter was a noire femme fatale
Stan Tracy a jazz playing Brit
Hugh Nissenson wrote The Tree of Life
I tried, but I never understood it
George Lautner directed French films
Fred Benjamin taught inventive jazz dance
Joe Bihari started the Modern Music label
To give B. B. King and Etta James a chance
Joan Fontaine won an Oscar for Suspicion
Yusef Lateef swung on sax and on flute
Larry Lujak was a cranky Chicago DJ
Who never seemed to give a hoot
Ricky Lawson was a studio drummer
For Stevie and MJ and more
Wojciech Kilar was chosen to write
Both The Pianist and Dracula score
•••
Stan Musial was The Man
Taiho was a sumo champ
Earl Weaver started arguing umpires’ calls
When the Orioles were still at training camp
Gertrude “Gorgeous Gussie” Moran
Wore lacy bloomers, tennis fans were appalled
Carl Williams was a heavyweight boxer
The Truth was what he was called
Jerry Buss owned the Lakers
Joe Weider was the fitness king
Deacon Jones was a Rams linebacker
Sacking QBs was his thing
Ken Venturi was a US Open golf champ
Pat Summerall a broadcasting pro
Ruth Ann Steinhagen shot Eddie Waitkus, which inspired
The Natural
Just in case you wanted to know
Bob Turley was a Yankee fast baller
Ken Norton took away Ali’s crown
Virgil Trucks threw two no-hitters in one year
In Detroit, which , back then, was a town
Bud Palmer was the first Knick captain
And a jump shot pioneer
L. C. Greenwood was part of the Steelers Iron Curtain
That other players grew to fear
Tommy “The Duke” Morrison had a crazy career
He took George Forman’s title away
Art Donovan was a Hall-of-Fame linebacker
And always had a lot to say
Vern Mikkelsen was a Laker forward
Todd Christensen a Raider tight end
Miller Barber scored early on the seniors golf tour
And won a lot of dough to spend
Bill Sharman was a Celtic player
But coached the Lakers after that
Bum Phillips coached the Oilers
And wore a goofy cowboy hat
Lavonne “Pepper” Paire Davis
Inspired A League of Their Own
Andy Granatelli’s STP worked about as well
As just leaving your gas alone
•••
And
Of course, there’s my dear, Oprah
Who stopped by Saratoga Springs
And brought with her all the hoo-ha
That comes with the things that Oprah brings
Ah yes, the latest edition of
Is available today
Here’s the latest cover
It’s the only part we give away
•••
That’s all I’ve got for now
Thanks for playing along at home
This is the forty-first year
Of my obsession with this poem
I guess I feel it keeps me focused
On where I’ve been and what’s ahead
Perhaps I could find another hobby
But I may be stuck with this instead
Of roller hockey
Which really hurts my knees
Or couponing, macrame
Topiary…please
Besides this takes less equipment
Just a tolerance for bad news
Which sadly keeps me humbly grateful
To be walking in my shoes
So,
2014
Bring it on!
Thanks for allowing me to intrude
This year I’ve donated in your names once more
1.1.2014