2014 was a bumpy joy ride
For any number of reasons
The economy grew, the RED states too
And climate change brought us five or six seasons
Congress was a bust
It didn’t legislate a thing
If you’re like me you’ve waited long enough
To hear that fat lady sing
War kept on waging, we all kept on aging
Peace on Earth seemed a vague, distant dream
I may be a dope, but I still haven’t lost hope
Though that’s not how my words often seem
—
N Korea’s run amok
Sony’s running out of luck
We may find ourselves all stuck in limbo
If the InterNet’s shut down
By some geeky, dumb clown
In a slinky red dress like a bimbo
The banks won’t work
Traffic will stall
Even Amazon may find they can’t sell
Hey, we all took the leap
We let some mysterious thing keep
All our info on a cloud down in Hell
—
But
Everything wasn’t bad
There were milestones we had
5o years since the British Invasion
And the Free Speech Movement and the Civil Rights Act
The first Ford Mustang, now that’s an occasion
And
It was 25 years since the Berlin Wall came down
Ending that Soviet fear
And here are a few other things I noticed
That happened throughout last year
•••
You can smoke a legal doob in Alaska, now
DC, Oregon and Washington State
Colorado, of course, is Rocky Mountain High
The rest of us will just have to wait
NY finally approved medicinal use
With just a ticket for taking a hit
Did you know there are Ag Gag Laws to protect
All the food that’s just fit to spit?
There was a gay wedding float in the Rose Parade
Expectedly over the top
Russia wants the Ukraine back
And they’re never gonna stop
The Ruskies have taken Crimea
And they shot down a passenger jet
When asked if he was responsible
Vladimir simply said, “Nyet!”
Scotland rejected cessation
The Thai military declared a coup
El Chapo was arrested in Mexico
What’s a poor drug lord to do?
Ray Nagin, got time for corruption
I guess it’s the Louisiana way
Oscar Pistorius’s defense really had no legs
He got five years and a day
Big tobacco became much bigger
Reynolds and Lorillard merged into one
How can smoking still be a thing?
It just kills you…then you’re done
Religion…I don’t get it
It does more harm than good, I say
What’s up with the Sunday Assembly movement
No god to bow to, but you still have to pray?
A man washed up on the Marshal Islands
Adrift for four months and a year
The UN report on climate change says
THE END is way too near
Janet Yellen became the Fed chief
Amanda Knox was guilty, again
The Senate defeated the Keystone Pipeline, for now
But it’s only a matter of when
Kathleen Sebelius resigned from the Department of Health
The NSA was allowed to spy
Arizona can’t ban abortion, says the Court
But don’t think that they won’t try
Cliven Bundy just wanted to graze his cattle
Without paying, on Federal land
I wonder which part of the lease agreement
He didn’t understand
Shinseki resigned as the VA chief
Someone had to take the fall
But little has changed in caring for vets
We’ve shamefully dropped that ball
Beau Bergdahl came home after five long years
For five baddies at Gitmo Bay
A Virgin Galactic ship exploded
And space travel got farther away
The Ferguson, MO debacle
Became even debacler, I guess
When Darren Wilson wasn’t even indicted
Just to underscore the mess
Not to be undone, a Staten Island Grand Jury
Gave Dave Pantaleo a free ride
Even though we all watched the video
Where he choked Eric Garner ’til he died
Then demonstrators marched and looters looted
“Injustice!” was their cry
Sadly
This outrage will fade and little will change
As time goes ticking by
And Hosne Mubarak, that monster
Charged with brutal despotic acts
Well, the Egyptian court has changed their mind
I don’t know why, but dems da facts
Michael Grimm is a crook and a Congressman
He’s finally been forced to resign
Alexei Navalny opposes Putin’s iron hand
But may end up where the sun don’t shine
There was a report on CIA torture
It’s against the Geneva Convention
But Cheney thinks prisoners should be his bitch
If they’re held in black ops detention
The CIA tried to infiltrate Cuban underground culture
Propagandizing hip-hop and rap
But it was about as successful as exploding cigars
Nobody copped to their secret rap crap
That all soon may be moot
We’ve opened a route
That may lead us to restore normal ties
So
If you have a combo
And you like to play the mambo
You can now hire some real Cuban guys
—
And, Holy Shit!
There was a unanimous vote
By one hundred-sixty-nine nations
To limit emissions of greenhouses gases
After studying the life-threatening equations
But wait…
In true form, all that good voting
Did not fully address the plight
As they nearly unanimously disagreed
On any means of oversight
—
New York is safe for now
Governor Cuomo sent lobbyists packing
He declared that on his watch
New York will have no fracking
—
I’m sad to say that Manhattan
Lost a most yummy place to eat
The Edison Cafe will serve matzo brei no more
At my favorite counter seat
—
“Vape” was this year’s Oxford Dictionary word
Merriam-Wesbster said it was “Culture”
Sony would agree with dictionary.com’s “Exposure”
After being exposed by a web-hacking vulture
—
The most trending topics on FaceBook were:
The Winter Olympics, the Super Bowl
The Ice Bucket Challenge, Robin Williams
And the scary Ebola toll
Brazil elections, the conflict in Gaza
World Cup, Malaysia Airline crashes
Ferguson and Staten Island
And the on-going racial clashes
•••
The Musicians’ Hall of Fame inducted
Peter Frampton and Will Lee
Randy Bachman, Jimmy Capps, Buddy Guy, Velma Smith
And some others…now, let me see
Oh,
Barbara Mandrell, Stevie Ray Vaughn
Ben Keith and Corki Casey O’Dell
And that was it this year
As far as I can tell
—
The Songwriters’ Hall inductees were
Ray Davies and Donovan Leach
Jim Weatherly, Graham Gouldman and Mark James
I doff my hat to each
And next year’s noms are Tom Petty, Cyndi Lauper
Elvis Costello, Toby Keith, Vince Gill
Cat Stevens, Steve Miller, Stevie Winwood
And also on that bill
Kenny “Babyface” Edmmonds, Linda Perry, Allee Willis
Sandy Linzer & Denny Randell
Harry Wayne “K.C.” Casey, Ann & Nancy Wilson
Rod Temperton as well
As
William “Mickey” Stevenson, Bobby Braddock, Rudy Clark
Bob McDill, Micke Chapman & Nicky Chinn
Randy Edelman, P. F. Sloan & Steve Barri
And where would one begin
To sing the praises of the Dead’s
Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia?
It will be a daunting task for you guys who choose
I know I wouldn’t want to be ya
—
The R&R Hall nominees were Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Green Day, The Smiths and Sting
The Paul Butterfield Blues Band, N.W.A.
Lou Reed, (and the colored girls sing)
Stevie Ray Vaughan, Bill Withers, Chic
The Marvelettes, War, The Spinners
Kraftwerk and Nine Inch Nails
For me, they all are winners
—
Lily Tomlin, Sting, Tom Hanks
Al Green and Patricia McBride
Got those goofy Kennedy Center Honor ribbons
That they can goofily wear with pride
—
Piers Morgan left CNN
Letterman’s getting ready to quit
Colbert is going to take his place
That can’t possibly be a good fit
—
Twelve Years a Slave took the Oscar home
As did Jared Leto and Cate Blanchett
Lupita Nyong’o got one, so did Matthew McC
For acting as good as they could get
Modern Family won another Emmy
So did Breaking Bad’s last year
Arsenio’s return was cancelled
At least that’s what I hear
The Tony went to Gentleman’s Guide
[and got a Grammy nom, so all of you NARAS voters should vote for it]
And the dramatic, All the Way
Barbara Walters said she’s retired
Perhaps she’s got no more to say
Winter Sleep from Turkey won the Palme d’Or
Billy Joel got the Gershwin Prize
Philadelphia Chickens went Platinum after twelve great years
Which was really no surprise
—
The ASCAP Centennial went to Joan Baez
Garth Brooks and Billy Joel
Stevie Wonder and Stephen Sondheim
For filling a huge songwriting hole
—
ComCast wants Time-Warner
AT&T wants DirecTV
Fox News hired Clueless star Stacey Dash
Seemed appropriate to me
Wendy Whelan took her final bow
After a lifetime on her toes
George Clooney got married in Venice
To some woman that he chose
Craig Wayne Boyd won The Voice
He’ll be a big Country star
Sony pulled the release of The Interview
Has N Korea gone too far?
But then they changed their mind and released it
Mostly for pay-per-view streaming
Now a mediocre farce may break revenue records
Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming
—
And
You need a good ad campaign
If you want to sell a lot
So
Marley Natural will soon be hyped
As the first legal, celebrity pot
—
Craig Ferguson bid farewell to the Late Late Show
How I Met Your Mother concluded its plot
Peter Pan Live was supposed to be a hugely entertaining event
Sadly, it was not
Boardwalk Empire ran its course
Nucky Thompson ate some lead
There’ll be a temporary hole on Sunday night
If you’re not ready to go to bed
—
Shamefully, the Motion Picture Academy
Of which I am a member
Has made a boneheaded decision
Once again, this December
By disqualifying Antonio Sanchez’s score for Birdman
Hands down, this year’s “Best”
To all of you voting members
Please, make some noise and protest
—
For fifty years, a household name
Bill Cosby
What a goddamned shame
•••
Florida State squeaked by Auburn
In what was the final BCS
Dennis Rodman took basketball to North Korea
Because he likes short, demonic, bad-haircutted, non-defecating despots…I guess
No baseball for A-Rod for at least one year
The Seahawks won Superbowl XLVIII
California Chrome won the Derby
Though he tripped as he left the gate
Donald Sterling lost the Clippers
Due to his racial repartee
Lebron moved back to Cleveland
And reclaimed number 23
Both UCONN men and women
Topped the NCAA Final Four
The Spurs creamed the Heat in five
Tim Duncan won one more
The Kings beat the Rangers for the Stanley Cup
Germany was FIFA’s world best
Byron Scot was chosen as the Lakers coach
Now, that will really be a test
—
The Giants beat the Royals in seven…yawn
—
The Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews
Said women can join, but then
There are no lady’s tees
And the loos are all labeled ‘MEN’
Ray Rice punched his fiancé in the face
Recorded for all to see
The NFL boldly took a stand, saying
“That’s not the way that it should be!”
In Memorium
Robert Neuwirth developed gynecological techniques
Alfred Marshall built department stores
Ariel Sharon was the Israeli PM
After fighting several Israeli wars
Donald Forst edited Newsday and The Village Voice
Carter Camp besieged Wounded Knee
Mike Stepovich was the last governor of The Territory of Alaska
When it was still a state-to-be
George Goodman hosted Adam Smith’s Money World
And founded New York Magazine
Ahmed Tejan Kabbah brought peace to Sierra Leone
Where peace had seldom been
Garrick Utley reported for NBC News
Peter Rona was an expert at sea
Franklin McCain was one of the Greensboro Four
Eating lunch where only white folk should be
Irving Milchberg smuggled guns to freedom fighters
In Poland when he was a kid
Arthur Ortenberg was married to Liz Claiborne
Clothes is what he did
Joan Mondale was married to Walter
She was an advocate for art
Robert E. Cooke saw the need to give kids a leg up
So he helped them by creating Head Start
Raymond Weil made cheap Swiss watches
Charles Keating was an S&L crook
Jerry Roberts was a Nazi codebreaker
And wrote a Nazi codebreaking book
Anne Heyman saved Rwandan orphans
Bill Thomas edited the LA Times
Murray Weidenbaum advised Reagan’s deregulation
And other conservatively unpunishable crimes
Russell Hemenway was a crusading liberal
William Clay Ford made his grandfather’s cars
John Houbolt helped get us to the Moon
But never got us up to Mars
Alice Herz-Sommer was the oldest Holocaust survivor
Reuben Askew was a cool Florida Gov
Edwin Kagin was a devout atheist crusader
Who claimed, “There’s nobody looking down from above”
Frank Jobe was a sports medicine pioneer
One time, he fixed my knee
Joseph Sax drafted environmental laws
For the land and air and sea
Hunein Maassab developed the flu mist vaccine
Robert Slater was one of Israel’s top scholars
Hamish Maxwell transformed Philip Morris
To get piles of non-tobacco dollars
Robert Strauss advised three presidents
James Schlesinger held two cabinet seats
Jeb Magruder was an aide to Nixon
And one of them convicted Watergate cheats
Adolfo Suarez brought democracy to Spain
Jacob Birnbaum championed Soviet Jews
David Burke was a sought-after political advisor
And President of CBS News
George Heilmeier invented the LCD
Vincent Harding wrote speeches for MLK
Lem Johns was a secret service agent in Dallas
On that horrible, horrible day
Sante Kimes was a grifter and murdering wench
Chester Nez, a Navajo Code Talker
Massimo Taburini designed the Ducati 916
For anyone who was a fine bike gawker
Clyde Snow ran forensics on JFK
Mengele and King Tut
Michael Janeway edited the Boston Globe
Asking, “Why? Where? Who? When? What?”
Gene Estes started the Jericho Project
To aid the homeless and mentally ill
Alexander Shulgin was Uncle Ectasy
Who advocated the MDMA pill
U Win Tin railed against Myanmar’s government
Edward Finkelstein was Macy’s chief
Radu Florescu claimed that Vlad the Impaler was Dracula
At least, that was his belief
Richard Hoggart fought the ban on Lady Chatterly’s Lover
Karen DeCrow was the leader of NOW
Stephen Gaskin ran The Farm
Where hippies raised pot and a cow
Hans Hollein was an Austrian architect
Paula Kent Meehan founded Redken hair goop
Jerrie Mock was the first woman pilot
To complete a global loop
Bill Dana was a NASA pioneer
And a test pilot of their craft
Anthony Smith was an intrepid adventurer
Who crossed the Atlantic on a raft
Robert Stuart, Jr. was chairman of Quaker Oats
And started the America First Committee
Arthur Gelb was the NY Times Metropolitan chief
And wrote all about New York City
Dr. Melvin Glimcher was a prosthetics pioneer
Mona Freeman was Miss Subways first pin-up
Eileen Ford invented super models
And told them all to keep their chin up
Lewis Katz co-owned The Philadelphia Inquirer
Howard Baker was Reagan’s Chief of Staff
Paul Amos co-founded AFLAC
With that duck that makes us laugh
Ciro de Quadroa lead the polio fight
In Latin America and the Caribbean
Walter Dean Myers wrote of disenfranchised black boys
Who didn’t have a pot to pee in
Maxine Greene was a Columbia professor
Who taught that the Arts enriched our soul
Avraham Shalom was an Israeli Nazi hunter
Who found Eichmann’s hidey hole
William M. Roth inherited a shipping fortune
He restored Ghirardelli Square
Guinter Kahn invented Rogaine
To try to regrow missing hair
John Harney was a tea missionary
Richard Sharp ran Circuit City and CarMax
Johnnie Walters defied Nixon by refusing
To mess with his Enemies List tax
Stephanie Kwolek invented kevlar
Louis Zamperini was the Unbroken hero
Theodore Van Kirk was the navigator of the Enola Gay
That led the bomber to ground zero
James MacGregor Burns was a presidential scholar
Peter Marler decoded birdsongs
Andrew Madoff outed Bernie, his dad
For his Ponzi Scheming wrongs
Zalman Schachter-Shalomi led the Jewish Renewal Movement
Alan “Ace” Greenberg ran Bear Sterns, that putz!
James Brady was shot, but the Brady Bill
Hasn’t changed gun violence much…that’s nuts!
Richard Mellon Scaife spent millions to impeach Bill Clinton
Conservative bankrolling was his hobby
As Surgeon General, Jesse Steinfeld fought big tobacco
But was ousted by the tobacco lobby
Diana McLellan wrote of gossip in Washington, DC
Eduard Shevardnadze was a Soviet Foreign Minister
Dr. Arnold Relman wrote in the New England Journal of Medicine
That profit-driven health care was, in a word, sinister
Arthur Cohen changed the skyline of NYC
B. K. S. Iyengar brought yoga to the West
Albert Reynolds was the Irish Premier
Who eased generations of unrest
Eroni Kumana was a fisherman who helped save JFK
And his PT-109 crew
Jack Wayman founded the Consumer Electronics Show
To show what circuits and transistors could do
John F. Akers helped IBM introduce the PC
Philippine de Rothschild was an aristocratic wine lady
Rick Piltz blew the whistle on W’s climate-change report
Claiming it was distorted, dishonest and shady
Jim Jeffords was a VT GOP senator
Who championed a liberal agenda
Elizabeth Whelan investigated unnecessary food additives
Like what in the hell is in Splenda®
Dr. Lorna Wing worked in Autism research
George Barrett fought segregation in Tennessee
John Sperling founded the on-line Phoenix U
So anyone could buy a degree
Walter Mazzone was a submarine hero
And a Sealab pioneer
Oh, the humanity, the last Hindenburg survivor
Werner Franz, died this year
Arthur H. White helped start Reading is Fundamental
Bruce Morton reported on CBS News
Robert Sherrill spoke to my moral center
He was my blogging muse
Noel Hinners pushed NASA towards pure research
Oleg Ivanovsky designed Soviet space ships
Gerald LaRue started The Hemlock Society
And published right-to-die tips
Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier was an asshole from Haiti
Michael Harari was an Israeli spy
Martin Perl won a Nobel for discovering tau lepton particles
Which live only 1/1,000,000,000 second before they die
Ian Paisley was an Irish Protestant Leader
David Jones arranged Hollywood stars’ flowers
Will Radcliff invented the Slush Puppy
Which can give you brain freeze for five hours
Rashi Fein pushed for humanitarian spending
As an economical model to follow
Joan Quigley gave the Reagans astrological advice
Which was simply too hard to swallow
Frank Mankiewicz was Bobby Kennedy’s Press Secretary
Joe V. Shields expanded Trader Joe’s
Gus Vlahavas owned the famous Tom’s Restaurant
Where anybody in Brooklyn who knows ice cream goes
Thomas Hale Boggs was a shameless lobbyist
Chen Ziming protested in Tiananmen Square
John Doar spent his life fighting for civil rights
S. Donald Stookey invented CorningWare®
Ben Bradlee was a gentleman editor
For the Washington Post, of most note
Delford Smith led the fight to preserve the Spruce Goose
That big honkin’ plane that is more like a boat
Gisele Masson owned the Eastside’s La Grenouille
Alexander Grothendieck was the Wizard of Math
Dorian Paskowitz was a doctor by trade
But surfing the Endless Summer was his life’s path
Jayne Byrne was Chicago’s only lady mayor
Fabiola was Belgium’s Queen
Michel du Cille took Pulitzer photos
Of things we’d seldom seen
Marion Barry was a drug dealing mayor
Brittany Maynard spoke of a dignified end
Victor Elmaleh imported the first VW bugs
That started the foreign car importing trend
Robert B. Oakley negotiated for the Blackhawk Down pilot
Willy Burgdorfer found the source of Lyme Disease
Dr. Irving Peress’s case was the final blow
That brought Joseph McCarthy to his knees
Larry Agenbroad was SD’s Mammoth Site digger
Lester Bernstein organized the first Presidential TV debate
Martin Litton was the president of the Sierra Club
I hope those tree huggers aren’t too late
Kathleen O’Keefe sent stories from SE Asia
Gil Marks chronicled Jewish history and food
William Spoor rose from poverty to run Pillsbury
Some stuff they make sometimes tastes good
Lowell Steward was a Tuskegee Airman
He was decorated five times
Mandy Rice-Davies was the girl in the Profumo Affaire
And the alleged but unproven sex crimes
Richard Hottelet reported from the Battle of the Bulge
And Normandy for NBC News
Lee Wattenberg insisted that you could fight cancer
By the food you pick and choose
Timothy Dowd searched for the Son of Sam
As a detective, like Mike Hammer
Until he finally caught him
And tossed him in the slammer
—
Ian Player tried to save the White Rhino
He would be bereft
Angalifu recently died at the San Diego Zoo
And now there are only five of them left
•••
James Avery played Uncle Phil
On The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Joseph Ruskin’s roles were sinister
With his creepy, beady-eyed stare
Jauanita Moore got an Oscar nom
For Imitation of Life
Mary Grace Canfield played Mrs. Kravitz on Bewitched
The nosy next door neighbor wife
Tabby Thomas was a Lousiana blues legend
Carmen Zapata a Sister Act nun
Carl Fortina could play piano while lying ons his back
And accordion, just for fun
Phil Everly sang close harmony
In duets with his brother
Jean Babilée was an acrobatic ballet star
Whose movements were like no other
Saul Zaentz produced movies and Credence and Jazz
Ruth Robinson Duccini was the last Munchkin female
Russell Johnson was the Professor on Gilligan’s Isle
Before tweeting or email
Alicia Rhett had a small part in Gone With the Wind
Morris Turner drew Wee Pals for the funnies
Gary Arlington founded SF’s Comic Book Company
For lovers of superheroes and fast-talking bunnies
Riziero Ortolani composed “More” for the film Mondo Cane
Gabriel Axel directed Babette’s Feast
Amiri Baraka wrote poetry as an angry black man
Until the day he was deceased
Run Run Shaw produced Bladerunner
He introduced us to Kung Fu
Richard Grossman published Nader’s Unsafe at Any Speed
That made us aware of what car companies do
Thomas Sherak was an AMPAS President
Al Porcino trumpeted with Basie, Kenton and Rich
Nelson Ned was a tiny Brazilian singer
Who mostly sang on pitch
Dave Madden was The Partridge Family’s agent
Paul Ash ran a music shop
Paul Colby owned The Bitter End
I hope the End will never stop
Claudio Abbado conducted La Scala
Ralph Waite was the Waltons dad
Maria Von Trapp was a member of The Sound of Music family
Who drove the Nazis mad
Maxine Kumin won a Pulitzer for Up Country
John Henson was a Muppeteer
Arthur Rankin created animated TV shows
Like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer
Shirley Temple Black was the greatest child star
She would sing and dance and charm us
Daniel Anker made documentaries like The Scottsboro Boys
Meant to enlighten and alarm us
—
Pete Seeger was a Weaver
He always took a righteous stand
Singing out for freedom and respect
For our waterways and our land
—
Maximilian Schell won an Oscar for Judgement at Nuremberg
Bob Casale played Devo guitar
L’Wren Scott was a girlfriend of Mick’s
Ivan Nagy, an ABT star
Harold Ramis was brilliantly funny
His Ghostbusters was a hoot
Abby Singer’s name became synonymous
With the penultimate movie shot that you shoot
Philip Seymour Hoffman was a methodical actor
His passing was a tragic loss
Sean Potts was a tin whistle master
And also, The Chieftans boss
William “Bunny Rugs” Clarke led reggae’s Third World
Jim Lange hosted The Dating Game
Paco de Luca used his flamenco guitar
To strum his way to fame
Erik Blegvad wrote Bed-nob and Broomstick
And The Borrowers, with wry wit
Franny Beecher played lead guitar
On every Comets hit
Sid Caesar was a comic genius
An hilarious buffoon
Sheila MacRae played Alice always threatened by Ralph
To go “Bang, Zoom…to the Moon!”
Alain Resnais directed Last Year at Marianbad
And Hiroshima, Mon Amour
Arthur Smith wrote Dueling Banjos
But wasn’t credited in the score
Joe Frazier was one of the Chad Mitchell Trio
Sherwin Nuland wrote How We Die
Iola Brubeck was a force behind her husband, Dave
The famous Take Five, guy
Gerard Mortier supported opera
Geoff Edwards was a game show host
Bob Thomas reported on Hollywood for 60 years
Which is decades longer than most
Joe McGinniss penned Fatal Vision
Wayne Henderson was a Jazz Crusader
Patrick McGovern published the …For Dummies books
That we all bought one of, sooner or later
Frankie Knuckles was the Godfather of House
Richard Black drew Mr. Clean
Ken Forsse created Teddy Ruxpin
The cuddliest Ruxpin I’ve ever seen
David Brenner was a stand-up guy
He often laughed at his own jokes
Eddie Lawrence was the pontificating Old Philosopher
Philosophising for us simpler folks
Hal Douglas did the voice-over for a thousand movie trailers
Mary Cheever was an author and wife of John
Lorenzo Semple, Jr. brought Batman to TV
Which we all watched when it was on
Mitch Leigh composed Man of La Mancha
Oswald Morris filmed Oliver and Fiddler
Scott Asheton got the gig as the Stooges drummer
For being a stooge-like paradiddler
James Rebhorn was Carrie’s father on Homeland
Marc Platt, a Broadway legend of dance
Phyllis Paterson founded the Renaissance Pleasure Faire
To bring back medieval times and romance
Gene Feist started The Roundabout Theater
Peter Matthiessen, The Paris Review
Otto Petersen gave voice to foul-mouthed George Dudley
Whose material was kind of blue
Cheo Feliciano was a salsa singer
Al Feldstein was the editor of Mad
Jesse Winchester sang from his Canadian exile
With a tone few other singers had
Priscilla Morgan connected artistic people
Which led to more interesting art
Phyllis Frelich was the deaf actress
In the Children of a Lesser God lead part
Lee Black Childers photographed the gay music scene
Stefani Zweig wrote on African themes
H. R. Giger created Alien’s creature FX
To haunt us in our dreams
Farley Mowat lived the adventure of his Never Cry Wolf
Dennis Kamakahi played Hawaiian slack key guitar
Tadeusz Rozewicz was possibly
The most distinguished Polish poet by far
André Popp wrote Love Is Blue
Steve Backer worked A&R jazz
Mary Stewart wrote British fantasies
As fantastic as anybody has
Gabriel Garcia Márquez wrote One Hundred Years of Solitude
Joe Wilder trumpeted in big bands
Tony Palladino designed the Psycho typeface
When designers still designed things with their hands
David Balding was an impresario
Who adopted Flora, the elephant tot
Bunny Yeager photographed pin-ups
Which people used to think of as hot
Doris Pilkington Garimara wrote
Follow the Rabbit-Proof Fence
Anthony Marriott wrote No Sex, Please, We’re British
Full of wittily English nonsense
Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. starred in The FBI
And 77 Sunset Strip
Bob Hoskins played many parts
Including Mr. Smee on Captain Hook’s ship
—
Mickey Rooney was a phenom
He grew up on the silver screen
In stature as a star…though not in height
If you know what I mean
—
Nick Martin directed the Huntington Theater Company
Bill Bender criticized music for Time
Jerry Vale was an Italian crooner
With ties to organized crime
Malik Bendjelloul directed Searching for Sugarman
Massimo Vignelli designed the NY Subway Map
Marilyn Beck reported Hollywood gossip
And seemed to never shut her trap
David Nadien was concertmaster for the NY Phil
Gordon Willis filmed iconic pix
For Coppola and Woody Allen
That sold millions and millions of tix
Howard Smith directed Marjoe
And wrote for The Village Voice
Herb Jeffries was a cowboy movie star
And sang with Ellington, by choice
—
Maya Angelou wrote poetic metaphors
Of struggle and the will to be free
And made those who cared to listen
Think of a better way to be
—
Sam Greenlee wrote The Spook Who Sat by the Door
Ruffling FBI feathers, they say
Martha Hyer was a Hollywood glamour puss
Back in the old Hollywood glamour puss day
Ann B. Davis played Alice on The Brady Bunch
She kept the Brady’s in their place
Rick Mayall was a British comedian
With a bewildered comedic face
Lee Chamberlin was an Electric Company star
She helped millions of kids learn their math
Glenn Britt was a Time-Warner exec
Who pioneered the broadband streaming path
Ruby Dee was an actress and civil rights leader
Eric Hill wrote Spot the Dog books
Isabelle Collin Dufresne was Warhol’s Ultra Violet
With Pop-Artsy-Warholish odd looks
Raphael Fruehbeck was a Spanish conductor
Casey Kasem used to count down from forty
Mesach Taylor played Anthony Bouvier
Who made the Designing Women look sporty
Little Jimmy Scott had a voice like a woman
Though it was soulful, from the heart
Horace Silver wrote jazz classics
And was a Master of his art
Alan Douglas produced jazz and was a Hendrix scholar
Francis Foster edited children’s lit
Gerry Goffin came up with timeless lyrics
For hit after hit after hit
Lee Hyla merged classical, jazz and rock
Johnny Mann led The Johnny Mann Singers
Charles Barsotti drew New Yorker cartoons
Some vague, some political zingers
Julian Koenig came up with VW’s, Think Small
And coined the term, Earth Day
Allen Grossman was a poet’s poet
With a lot of poetical things to say
Daniel Keyes wrote Flowers for Algernon
A powerfully poignant tale
Dick Jones was the voice of Pinocchio
Who was swallowed by a whale
Carla Laemmle was a silent screen actress
And the Universal Studio founder’s niece
Charlie Haden was a brilliant bass man
May he truly rest in peace
Steve Rossi was a straight man and crooner
Paul Horn was a New-Age flute player
Bobby Womack was The Preacher
‘Cause when he sang it was almost like prayer
Mary Rogers wrote Once Upon a Mattress
In which I once played the king
Tommy Ramone was the last Ramone
Of the Ramones who play and sing
Felix Dennis published Maxim
And wrote poetry on the side
Nancy Garden wrote Annie On My Mind
To bolster teenage lesbian pride
Bob Hastings was on McHale’s Navy
Kenny Kingston told the future to stars
Teenie Hodges made that Memphis Sound for Al Green
By picking his electric guitars
John McClure was a classical producer/engineer
Michael Brown was a bit of a nerd
Who gave Harper Lee money from his composing gigs
So she could write To Kill a Mockingbird
Eli Wallach was a great movie actor
Johnny Winter, a blues guitar master
Julius Rudel waved his baton so the City Opera
Knew when to play slower or faster
Zohra Sehgal was an actress in India
Idras Muhammad excelled on the drums
Robert Gardner made anthropological films
Shot in caves and forests and slums
Paul Mazursky was a seriously funny director
Thomas Berger wrote the Little Big Man story
Frederick Ordway was tech advisor for 2001:
A Space Odyssey and SciFi allegory
Frank M. Robinson wrote science fiction
And speeches for Harvey Milk
Licia Albanese was a lyric soprano
With a tone as smooth as silk
Lorin Maazel was the maestro
In Cleveland, Pittsburgh, NY, et al
Nadine Gordimer railed against apartheid in her books
And was complicit with its fall
Seymour Barab composed contemporary fair
Robert Stein edited Redbook and McCall’s
Bel Kaufman wrote Up the Down Staircase
About real life in a high school’s halls
Elaine Stritch was one of a kind
In decades treading on the boards
Margot Adler was a reporter for NPR
Who prayed to Wiccan overlords
James Garner was Maverick and Rockford
In his glib wise-cracking way
Manny Roth owned Cafe Wha?
Which was much more than a cafe
Curt Gentry co-wrote Helter Skelter
Karen Goodwin syndicated money for shows
Help and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
Had music Ken Thorne would compose
Martin Tahse produced ABC After School Specials
Life lessons for us all
Anyone who loved the movies
Loved the beautifully talented Lauren Bacall
Augie Rodriguez teamed with Margo
To play an infectious Mambo beat
Alla Sizova was a Kirov star
With million dollar feet
James Shigeta starred in Flower Drum Song
Ed Nelson was on Peyton Place
Dick Smith was the Godfather of Makeup
Helping actors with their face
John Mazzola was president of Lincoln Center
John Blake, Jr. bowed jazz violin
Don Pardo’s was the voice on SNL
So the cast knew when to go, or when to come in
Robert Halmi brought Our Gang to TV
And produced years of compelling shows
Henry Stone discovered Ray Charles and James Brown
But hardly anybody knows
Arthur Shafman brought Mummenschanz to the US
Dick Wagner wrote Only Women Bleed
Robert Drew made the documentary, Primary
To show how candidates succeed
Noel Black directed Pretty Poison
Jean Redpath was a folksinging Scot
Manahem Golan produced action films
Where nearly everyone got shot
Billie Letts wrote Where the Heart Is
About a teen giving birth at WalMart
Marjorie Stride turned the pin-up
Into satirical Pop Art
Richard Attenborough was a Brit director
Gandhi and Chaplin were just great
Jimi Jamison sang lead in Survivor
In 1988
Lida Moser was a Photo League photographer
Glenn Cornick, the bassist for Jethro Tull
Tibor Rudas brought opera to Vegas and ball parks
To show the masses it wasn’t dull
—
Robins Williams
What can you say?
His demons brought him down
But not before he touched us all
A brilliant, compassionate clown
—
Joan Rivers touched us too
She could always make me smile
With her unfiltered caustic wit
Or her pretended sense style
—
Peter Grosslight was a William Morris music agent
Bob Crewe produced Four Seasons hits
Richard Kiel was the villainous Jaws
Who was cast to give James Bond fits
Sandy Wilson composed The Boy Friend
Stan Goldberg drew Archie for years
Gerald Wilson was a gentleman Jazz Master
Revered by all his peers
Andrew McLaglen directed Gunsmoke
Have Gun, Will Travel and Rawhide
Penelope Niven gave us a look at Carl Sandburg
From his birth until he died
Peter Sculthorpe used indigenous instruments
To explore Australian musical roots
George Hamilton, IV was an Opry star
In a cowboy hat and boots
Gustavo Cerati rocked out in Argentina
They say Polly Bergen was awfully nice
Alistair Reid wrote poetic children’s books
Like my favorite, Ounce, Dice, Trice
Magda Olivero was a beloved soprano
Her Magdamaniacs were avid and loud
Mary Lee Bandy began preserving films at MOMA
Before the InterNet or the Cloud
Cosimo Matassa owned a studio in New Orleans
He was a Rock-n-Roll pioneer
The Raiders leader ended his ride
His name was Paul Revere
Joe Sample crusaded for jazz
Tony Auth’s cartoons won a Pulitzer Prize
Tom Skeeter’s Sound City was punk rock’s ground zero
Under LA’s sunny skies
Theodore Flicker created Barney Miller
Herb Chesbrough was the director of SPAC
Steve Curry was Woof and the Hair logo model
For which he never got any payback
Jackie Cain was the cute one of Jackie and Roy
Kenny Wheeler was a flugelhorn teacher
Marian Seldes was on the stage for fifty years
So you always knew where you could reach her
Christopher Hogwood conducted the Academy of Ancient Music
John Slattery read the news on TV
J. California Cooper wrote stories
From a black woman’s POV
Milton Cardona played salsa percussion
Iva Withers was a Broadway stand-by
Tim Hauser founded the Manhattan Transfer
He was a scatting kinda guy
Don Keefer had “Bad Thoughts” on The Twilight Zone
Ken Weatherwax was Pugsley in The Addams Family
Geoffrey Holder had that deep Jamaican voice
For “Unnnnnnn-Cola” and “Under the Sea”
Sheldon Patinkin taught at Second City
Carolyn Kizer won a prize for her poems
Herb Schapiro wrote The Me Nobody Knows
Of kids struggling in the streets and their homes
Jan Hooks was a Sweeney Sister
A part of the SNL cast
Ray Metzker saw cityscapes as art
And took photos to make them last
Siegried Lenz was an historical novelist
René Burri photograhed Picasso and Che
Jack Bruce and Acker Bilk were both British musicians
Who could really, really play
Pavel Landovsky was a prominent Czech actor
An anti-communist as well
Paul Craft wrote, ‘Dropkick Me, Jesus”
Some say he’s going to hell
Stanley Chase produced Threepenny Opera on Broadway
And The Fugitive on TV
Elizabeth Peña was a superb actress
At least that’s how she seemed to me
Stephen Paulus was a classical composer
Alfred Wertheimer shot young Elvis pix
Oscar de la Renta was a king in the fashion world
Since around 1966
Marcia Strassman was on Welcome Back, Kotter
Harry Pearson founded Absolute Sound
Kit Carson was one of the very best
Independent film makers around
Stan Jay was the proprietor of Mandolin Brothers
On NY’s Staten Isle
Tom Magliozzi co-hosted Car Talk
With car repair tips and a smile
Donald Saddler won a Tony for dancing
Bunny Biggs was a tap dancing fool
Manitas de Plata was a superstar of Flamenco guitar
Which he played sitting on a stool
David Redfern photographed musicians
Quite often, their signature shot
Richard Schall was Mary Tyler Moore’s Chuckles the Clown
In CBS’s best Saturday night slot
Jerry Talmer invented the Obies
So off-Broadway stars could shine
Daniel Meltzer led the fight to save the Beacon Theater
When its demise was on the line
Big Bank Hank was a member of The Sugarhill Gang
Rapper’s Delight helped commercialize rap
Larry Henley wrote Wind Beneath My Wings
Not the kind you had to flap
Carol Ann Susi was Mrs. Wolowitz on The Big Bang Theory
P. D. James was the Queen of Intrigue
Jimmy Ruffin sang What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?
There were few singers in his league
Ken Takakura played tough guys from Japan
Allan Kornblum published Coffee House Press
Ernest Kinroy wrote for Roots and Victory at Entebbe
That Ugandan hostage rescue mess
Glen Larson created Magnum, P. I. and Knight Rider
He ran the Battlestar Gallactica set
And he also wrote 26 Miles (Santa Catalina)
As one fourth of the Four Preps quartet
Charles Champlin criticized films for the LA Times
Sabah sang in Lebanese
Claire Barry was one of the Yiddish Barry Sisters
When lots of women sang in threes
Frank Yablans ran Paramount Pictures
Through Godfather, Chinatown, Paper Moon
When Bobby keys played the saxophone
It made even the most cold-hearted swoon
Mary Hinkson was a featured Martha Graham Dancer
Mark Strand was a laureate poet
Ralph Baer invented Odyssey, that started the video game craze
Though at the time, he didn’t know it
Kent Haruf wrote Plainsong, about small town life
Ian McLagan played keys for Small Faces
Arthur Leipzig’s photographs reached deep inside
Ordinary people and places
Wynn Chamberlain was a painter and author
And produced movies about normal life
Virna Lisi first showed her beautiful face
In How to Murder Your Wife
Mary Ann Mobley was Miss America
Neil Reshen managed Country folks
Ann Marcus wrote Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman
With all of its inside jokes
Claudia Emerson was a Pulitzer poetess
Rock Scully managed The Grateful Dead
Dick Rich could have been a comedian
But chose whimsical ad man, instead
Norman Bridwell thought up Clifford, The Big Red Dog
Lazlo Varga played principal cello
Udo Jürgens was the Frank Sinatra of Europe
He was a crooning, Austrian fellow
Larry Smith produced Run-DMC
And other rappin’ crews
Billie Whitelaw was a renown British actress
Beckett was her muse
Brandon Stoddard OK’d Roots and Rich Man, Poor Man
Popularizing the mini-series on ABC
Joseph Sargent directed the original
Taking of Pelham, One Two Three
Buddy DeFranco was a pivotal jazz clarinetist
From Swing to Hard Bop style
Jeremy Lloyd created British sitcoms
The made British sitcom watchers smile
Brumsic Brandon, Jr. was the guy who drew Luther
Claude Frank mastered Beethoven’s charts
Luise Rainer won back-to-back Oscars
For her The Great Zeigfeld and The Good Earth parts
Christine Cavanaugh gave Babe her voice
What a great movie…what a great choice
Edward Herrmann had a brilliant career
But sadly died on the last day of the year
—
Mike Nichols was a comedic groundbreaker
But directing was his thing
The Graduate, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Or making the characters in Spamalot sing
—
Joe Cocker’s voice erupted
His soul just set it free
We met in 1969
And
He was so beautiful
To me
•••
Eusebio was a Portugese soccer star
Ralph Wilson co-owned the Buffalo Bills
Ralph Kiner was a Hall of Fame slugger
Who gave us countless baseball thrills
Keith Allen ran the Philadelphia Flyers
Lou Hudson was simply Sweet Lou
Frank Budd was once the World’s Fastest Human
‘Cause he could run faster than you
Hobie Alter designed the Hobie Cat
Rubin Carter was Hurricane to some
Sy Berger gave us the modern day baseball card
I mostly like the gum
Earl Morrall quarterbacked Super Bowel wins
With the Dolphins and the Colts
Ernie Terrell fought Ali
And absorbed The Greatest’s jolts
Jack Ramsey coached the Trailblazers
Jimmy Ellis was the Heavyweight Champ
Bill Nunn scouted for the Steelers’ Super Bowl teams
Bringing hot young players to camp
Matthew Saad Muhammad was a Lightweight Champion
Bob Welch through a blazing fast ball
Don Zimmer played or coached for fifty years
He’ll soon be in the Hall
Chuck Knoll coached the 70’s Steelers teams
Bob Suter played for The Miracle on Ice
Alice Coachman was the first black woman to win Olympic Gold
And I read she was very nice
Red Klotz owned The Washington Generals
The Harlem Globetrotters’ always beat them
I loved Caldwell Jones and Vic Braden
But I never got to meet them
Tony Gwynn was a Padres slugger
Frank Cashen helped the Mets to win
Jay Adams transformed skateboarding toys
Into a sport to compete in
Alvin Dark managed the NY Giants
Dodo Cheney was a fifty-year-old tennis lady
Viktor Tikhonov coached Soviet hockey to three gold medals
But lost to the US in 1980
Jean Béliveau won 10 Stanley Cups
As a Montreal Canadiens star
Alfredo Di Stefano played soccer for Real Madrid
But he died…so, there you are
•••
Robin Brown’s smile
Came from deep inside
And her loving heart
Was thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis wide
•••
Oprah kept a pretty low profile this year
Probably saving her time for me
She’s a ton of laughs, really…and here’s our mag
jOel
For all of you to see
•••
So,
Here comes 2015
I’m hoping for the best
I’ll probably continue my Sunday rants
To get stuff off my chest
Not that I think I’m really making a difference
But I prefer blogging to drugs
Just to set the record straight
I prefer loving to hate
Between hugging and yelling
Excuse me, I’m qvelling
I think I’m going with hugs
•••
If you’ve read this from the beginning
I hope you don’t think that I’ve been rude
As is my tradition
I’ve sent some dough in your names
Joelie
1.1.2015