I really don’t need one damn thing, Please, no more gift cards that I’ll just forget to redeem anyway. I’ve got three drawers full of socks and a sweater for every day of the year. I barely have time to look, watch, listen or Google with the electronic crap I already own. I don’t have a place to put one more book. I have a near-perfect comfy chair, slippers, a cushy robe and an eight pound bag of snacks from Trader Joe’s®. World Peace would be nice, I guess, but we know that ain’t happening. I’ve given up asking for a pony. You might think that I would have learned to deal with the disappointment after sixty years, so, this year, I don’t want one…not even one of those shaggy white and brown ones that can live in the house like a dog…really…even if you’ve got him all wrapped and ready to go and I would have named him Scout…I’m over it.

I did have this idea that might save you some time. What if the naughty or nice thing was an aggregate representation of everyone’s yearly behavior, and based on that evaluation, you gave everybody the same thing. This year, I’m thinking, lump of coal…except that could be in violation of the Paris Climate Change Accord…so…like I said…nothing.