Okay, I’m suspending my hiatus on using the name Donald J. Trump, because I’ve been hearing some things and absorbing information that seems too important to keep to myself. I can’t be sure where I heard this stuff or if it just popped into my head like so many of the truths I believe in with all my heart, but, like most of the crap that Donald himself would have you believe, my crap, if true, which I’m not saying it is or it isn’t, might be something you’d want to hash tag or whatever the kids are doing these days to spread shit around.
- DJT has a flesh-eating boil on his ass that neither ointment nor the combined lips of his reluctant supporters has/have been able to soothe and which calls into question the veracity of his claim that, “Believe me, everything’s good down there!”
- Tweeting is his favorite form of communication because in 140 characters, he is never in jeopardy of over-reaching his huge 59-word vocabulary
- The human part of his DNA, (about 36%), is a 99.9% match with Hitler…I don’t think I made this up…maybe…seems like I may have seen documentation or overheard a conversation in the bus station gender-neutral restroom…I’m sticking with it none the less
- In private, his children call him Poop Head
- When asked to point to any of the places he talks about on a map of the world, he got New York and Florida, (on the third try)…that’s all
- When he says Hillary is a “bigot”, (until this week, not one of his 59), he is really saying “big it”, where “it” is his word for “pussy”…”big pussy”, a term he’s been advised might offend sexually active women who take exception to the “big” reference, but went with it anyway
- Barney, the once wildly popular purple personality, known for loving everybody, hates Donald Trump
- In public, his children think of him as Poop Head
- His obsession with building a 3,000-mile border wall is fueled by the assurance from his Chinese architects that the elongated T-R-U-M-P design will be visible from space, (but, thankfully, not the West Side Highway)
- He flunked out of Trump University
- He’s suing the game of bridge for copyright infringement
- He thinks that amnesty is when you can’t remember who you are
- He is now the number one employer in the United States after putting everyone who is supporting him on his payroll. (Note to all of you morons, after November 8, you’re all fired!)
- Vladimir Putin affectionately calls him Poop Head
- Trump Steaks contain virtually no meat
- George W. Bush was our dumbest President…Donald thinks he can be hugely dumber
- He thinks that Breitbart is Black Bart’s smarter son
- Names you can call DJT with defensible certainty of escaping any potential slander action: Misogynist, Xenophobe, Narcissist, Elitist, Tub-o-lard, Asshole, Trumpster the Dumpster, Dumbfuck, Uncle Tiny Hands, Don, Freddie’s Follie, Orange is the New Blah, Poop Head
