MMXVI

Wow!

Time is definitely speeding up

Perhaps it was all the noise

Created by the cacophony of political crap

From all those nasty girls and boys

Or

The effect of global warming

That’s caused the Earth to spin too fast?

Do you think someday the distant future

Might happen at the same time as the past?

Personally, I blame Monsanto

They’ve altered all the food

I say, let’s start gathering nuts and berries

And eat them outdoors, in the nude

And

What’s with the crazy time-changy thing?

It really makes no sense

It’s like one day you’ve got Joe Biden

And the next, you get Mike Pence

So,

Be very afraid, but don’t be weak

It’s hit the fan, or so to speak

It’s not the time to turn your cheek

You’ve got to play to win it

Decency has sprung a leak

Affecting both the strong and meek

We may be paddle-less up Shit’s Creak

But we’re not yet knee-deep in it

Oh,

And if you’ve had it up to here with this dismal year

And you thought you’d muddled through it

There’s some bullshit leap second cosmos thing

That we all have to add to it

Alas,

I’m not too rosy

Like Camus, I feel absurd

Perhaps it would help if we had a big group moment

To flip 2016 the bird

In General…

Saudi Arabia blew off Iran

North Korea’s got The Bomb

Planet Earth registered its hottest year ever

And, sadly, I lost my Mom

Obama ordered background checks

To limit weapons on the streets

Post-truth was Oxford Dictionary’s word of the year

Perhaps, next year, Trumpian-tweets

There’s now legal pot in NY State

Panama ratted out laundered money

Mein Kampf is a bestseller in Germany again

Which is the opposite of funny

Sean Penn interviewed El Chapo

Dennis Hastert molested boys

Einstein’s theory was proven by colliding black holes

Can you imagine all the noise?

Andrew Jackson is leaving the $20

Harriet Tubman will take his place

Hamilton is safe on the $10 bill

Did Lin Miranda save his face?

Brazil’s Senate impeached President Rousseff

Great Britain Brexited the EU

Pfizer cut the source of lethal injection drugs

What’s a hard-working executioner to do?

Juno entered the orbit of Jupiter

AT&T wants Time-Warner and more

Colombia signed a peace deal with the rebels

Now there is no Western Hemisphere war

Roger Ailes resigned from Fox News

After diddling female anchors

Anthony Weiner may be the dumbest of the dumb

Among a sea of dumb junk-Twittering wankers

Trump U ripped off folks for $175M

Then settled for twenty-five

“It’s just business,” Herr Donald snickered

“The Art of the Deal is alive!”

John Hinckley was freed after more than thirty years

For shooting Reagan while he was President

North Carolina is not the place to be

If you’re an LGBTQ resident

Syria and Russia massacred 500,000 people

They reduced Aleppo to rubble

Russia’s hacking manipulated…well, everything

Which is still denied from inside the Trump bubble

Obama went to Hiroshima

Abe came to Pearl Harbor

Trump can go to Hell

Or at least a real barber

The UN wagged its finger at Israel

The US quietly abstained

Obama and Kerry correctly agree

Netanyahu is too right-brained

Obama ordered Russian sanctions

For hacking our elections and more

Putin’s waiting it out until January 20

When his buddy Don walks through the White House door

Did you hear there was an election?

I have nothing more to say

Except

November 8, 2016

May have been the blackest, bad, blustery day

That’s Entertainment?

The Golden globes went to Revenant

And The Martian, was the “comedy?” pick

James Levine decided after 40 years

To lay down The Met conductor’s stick

The Grammys were won by Kendrick Lamar

Taylor Swift and Alabama Shakes

The Weekend and Uptown Funk

Plus Hamilton for goodness sakes

Some Oscars went to Spotlight

Brie Larson and Leo D

And Morricone for the very first time

For being the Ennio that he could be

Hamilton ran off with the musical Tonys

The Humans won best play

The Stones rocked it in Havana

On a sweltering, sunny day

The Songwriters’ HOF inducted Tom Petty

Chip Taylor and Elvis Costello

Nile Rodgers, Bernard Edwards and Marvin Gaye

Who was funky and oh, so mellow

The NEA Jazz nominees were Dee Dee Bridgewater, Dave Holland

Dick Hyman for his chops

Dr. Lonnie Liston Smith,, and historian, Ira Gitler

Let’s hope jazz music never stops

Everyone loves Stairway to Heaven

Almost anyone can feel it

Although the signature lick was a blatant rip off

The court said they didn’t steal it

Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize for literature

But didn’t show up to accept it

Bill Murray won the Mark Twain Prize

He showed up, he took it, and kept it

Paul Beatty was the first American

To win the Man Booker Prize

Kelly Mantle will be Oscar-eligible as woman or man

According to the beholder’s eyes

Kennedy Center Honors for Mavis Staples, James Taylor

Martha Argerich, The Eagles, Al Pacino

The Rock Hall inductees will be Pearl Jam, Tupac, Yes

Joan Baez, Journey, ELO

You broke my heart, Bill Cosby

It’s pretty clear, you lied

You pretended to be Dr. Huxtable

When you were really Mr. Hyde

Sports

Ken Griffey, Jr. and Mike Piazza

Made the Baseball Hall of Fame

Alabama beat Clemson on TV

In the college football championship game

The Rams moved back from STL to LA

The Broncos won Super Bowl L

UConn women won a fourth straight NCAA title

Which was rad and def and nifty

The Cavs beat the Warriors in 7

Villanova won the Final 4

Peyton Manning announced his retirement

So, he won’t be playing anymore

Kobe hung his kicks up

With a 60-point scoring hit

It took the Cubs 108 years

But they’re World Series Champs, no shit!

Dustin Johnson won the U S Open

McIlroy the FedEx Cup

There will be no big sporting events in North Carolina

Until their legislature learns to shut up

In Memorium…

Michael Oxley fought against investment fraud

Michael Davidson printed psychedelic ties

Marvin Minsky was an AI pioneer

You could see it in his eyes

Yasutaru Koide was the world’s oldest man

He lived past 112 years

Leo van Munching was Heineken’s CEO

And brewed reportedly tasty beers

Stephen Bosworth helped oust Marcos

Edgar Mitchell walked on the Moon

Aubrey McClendon was an indiscriminate fracker

He got the frack out of here none to soon

Dale Bumpers was a liberal Senator

Jim Kimsey co-founded AOL

Justice Antonin Scalia

Was opinionated as hell

Concepcion Picciotto marched for peace outside the White House

For 30 years or more

Artur Fischer invented wall anchors and camera flashes

To buy on-line or in a store

Michael Kennedy defended underdogs and the infamous

David Gates warned of fossil fuels’ ills

Nancy Reagan was “Ronnie’s” “Mommy”

Who helped him swallow policy and pills

Henry Diamond pled for ecological responsibility

Wesley Clark pioneered personal computing

Zdravko Tolimir massacred thousands of Bosnian muslims

Some by hanging, some by shooting

Gordon Goody led Britain’s Great Train Robbery

Andrew Grove was Intel’s chief

Lloyd Shapely was the father of Game Theory

Which requires suspension of disbelief

John Tishman built the Twin Towers and the John Hancock Building

Ray Tomlinson invented email

Miriam Cedarbaum was the circuit court judge

Who sentenced Martha Stewart to jail

Butros Butros-Ghali was the UN Secretary General

Elliot Gant made the button-down shirt

Mark Lane was a Kennedy conspiracy theorist

With some real and some made up dirt

Richard Von Herzen studied underwater volcanoes

Rob Ford was a crackhead mayor

Forrest Mars was the Candy Man behind the Mars Bar

With its layer after yummy, sweet layer

Peter Mondavi helped put Napa Valley on the map

Hilary Putnam had a philosophical mind

Malick Sidibé’s photographic focus

Was the world being most unkind

Renato Bialetti was the Italian Mr. Coffee

Richard K. Ransom founded Hickory Farms

Alfred Mann developed medical devices

For injured backs and legs and arms

Elwyn Simons discovered early primates

Meir Dagan was an Israeli spy

Bob Adelman photographed Civil Rights brutality

With his critically focused left eye

Dr. Quentin Young was the personal physician

To MLK and BHO

Susannah Mushatt Jones was the oldest American at 116

But then she died…oh no!

Jack Masey picked Bucky Fuller

To design the Expo ’67 dome

Phillip Kives founded K-Tel

To sell things “As Seen on TV” in your home

Leon Charney was a cable TV host

He helped promote the Camp David Accords

Zaha Hadid designed groundbreaking architectural space

Out of steel, glass, concrete and boards

Peter Stanford founded the South Street Seaport Museum

Shirley Hufstedler was the Secretary of Ed

Bill Campbell was a guru in the Silicon Valley

Because of the smart stuff in his head

Phil Sayer was the voice of “Please mind the gap!”

In London’s Underground

Louis Herman talked to dolphins

And understood most every dolphin sound

Patricio Aylwin succeeded Pinochet

In Chile’s post-despotic election

Syndney Schanberg inspired The Killing Fields

In his NY Times reflection

Bettye Caldwell helped start…Head Start

Daniel Berrigan was an anti Viet Nam War priest

Greta Friedman was the nurse in the famous Times Sq. V-J Day photo

Long before she was deceased

Harold Kroto won the Nobel for Buckyballs

Ronald Davidson was a fusion pioneer

John McLaughlin was a loud, conservative TV pundit

Who shouted things he liked to hear

Elie Wiesel was a Nobel laureate

And the voice of The Holocaust

Who insisted that the world Never Forget!

And that history should never be lost

Hedy Epstein survived the Auschwitz Camp

Then fought to make sure all lives matter

Jane Fawcett helped sink the Bismarck

By decoding radio chatter

Donald Jelinek represented radicals

Attica and Alcatraz and SNCC

Dr. Donald Henderson led the war on smallpox

Because them pox can make you sick

Roger Enrico was the head guy at Pepsi

He nearly outsold Coke in his day

David Horowitz was Bill Clinton’s media consultant

Who thought up things for Bill Clinton to say

Abdul Sattar Edhi was Pakistan’s Father Teresa

Suzanne Wright founded Autism Speaks

Phyllis Schlafly was an ultra-conservative, anti-feminist crusader

Who stirred up shit way before Wikileaks

Bernardo Provenzano may have inspired The Godfather

John Ellenby was a laptop creator

Islam Karimov was a ruthless Uzbek dictator

And a freedom and equality hater

Seymour Papert co-directed MIT’s AI Lab

Joe Sutter designed the 747

If there is such a thing, Gwen Ifill

Is reporting the news up in Heaven

Margrit Mondavi was a wine-making matriarch

Bhumibol Adulyadej was Thailand’s king

Bob Hoover was perhaps the greatest pilot, ever

Flying was just his thing

Shimon Peres was one of Israel’s founding fathers

Trinh Thi Ngo was Hanoi Hannah’s voice

Janet Reno became Attorney General

Because she was Bill Clinton’s choice

Ewen Whitaker picked the first landing spot

For Jack Garman’s calculations to the Moon

Ralph Cicerone sounded the alarm about Climate Change

Which he said would effect us all, soon

Tom Hayden was an anti war activist

Leon Billings tried to legislate clean air

Sheikh Khalifa bin Hamad al-Thani modernized Qatar

Now, people are vacationing there

Victor Scheinman invented the robot assembly arm

That astronauts use up in space

Gina Quattrochi established a national housing resource

So AIDS patients could have a safe place

Jack Greenberg was a civil rights champion

Gordon Hamilton fell into a crevasse

Melvin Laird was Nixon’s anti-war Defense Secretary

Who mostly spent time defending his ass

Fidel was the symbol of righteous revolution

But power made him lose his way

If only he had stayed true to his vision

Like his motorcycle buddy, Che

Michael J. Delligatti

Created the Big Mac

Leonard B. Sand judged Yonkers’ should be integrated

And he wouldn’t take it back

Peng Chang-kuei gave us General Tso’s Chicken

Marion Pritchard rescued hundreds of Jews

Piers Sellers was a scientist/astronaut

Who gave a space outlook to climate change news

John Glenn was the first man to orbit the Earth

He was a true American Hero

He went to space again in his 70’s

‘Cause he preferred gravity when it was zero

Henry Heimlich performed his final maneuver

Louis Harris conducted polls

Larry Colburn stood up at the My Lai Massacre

Saving hundreds of Vietnamese souls

China Machado was the first supermodel of color

Bishop Javier Eschevarría led Opus Dei

Esther Wilkins set dental hygiene standards

Which are still the standards used today

Vera Rubin was deep into astronomy

Vesna Vulovic walked away from a crash

General Gregorio Alvarez was Uruguay’s brutal dictator

Until they threw him out with the trash

Edwin Goldwasser studied particle acceleration

From the time he was a kid

Robert Hulseman invented the Solo Cup

And the brilliant plastic coffee cup lid

That was Entertainment…

Natalie Cole was Unforgettable

David Bowie sang of Spiders from Mars

Toni Grant was a radio therapist

Healing psychologically broadcasted scars

Wayne Rogers was Trapper John, MD

Kevin Curran gaveThe Simpsons breath

Dan Hicks sang out front of the Hot Licks

Until he sacred himself to death

John Bradbury drummed for The Specials

Richard Sapper designed gadgets and such

Pat Harrington, Jr. was a comedian and super on One Day at a Time

And I liked him, very much

Robert Stigwood produced Saturday Night Fever

Paul Bley jazzed at the piano with style

Eugenie “Ersy” Schwartz’s sculptures

Somehow, always made me smile

Michel Delpech was a pop French singer

Gilbert Kaplan loved Mahler 2

Dave Margulies was the mayor in Ghostbusters

And he wasn’t afraid of no boooooo

Dan Haggerty played Grizzly Adams

Chocolate Armenteros played Cuban horn

Pierre Boulez showed musical genius, I think

From the day that he was born

Nicholas Caldwell sang with The Whispers

Rene Angélil was Celine’s old man

Vilmos Zsigmond shot Deer Hunter and Close Encounters

Until they were safely in the can

Jason Windgreen was the voice of Boba Fett

Stanley Siegel an irrepressible host

Alan Rickman played movie baddies

Who you could both hate and love the most

Kitty Kallen was a panelist on What’s My Line

Otis Clay sang Gospel and blues

C. D. Wright was the Poet of the Ozarks

And he usually wore no shoes

Elizabeth Swados presented socially conscious theater

Glenn Frey was an Eagle of note

Clarence “Blowfly” Reid influenced KC and the Sunshine Band

With all the funky songs that he wrote

Billie Allen helped ease racism

On TV and the Broadway stage

Noreen Corcoran played the daughter on Bachelor Father

At a very tender age

Richard Libertini was the deranged general in The In-Laws

He was brilliant in every part

Giorgio Gomelsky managed The Yardbirds, Stones and The Animals

When managing was still an art

Ettorre Scola was an Italian director

George Weidenfeld published Lolita for Brits

Alice Denham was a Playboy centerfold

Whose tell-all memoir gave old Hef fits

Abe Vigoda was a sad-faced actor

In Barney Miller and Godfather II

Murray Louis choreographed crazy dances

For comedic dancers to do

Robert Tuggle recorded Met Performances

Anna Laerkesen was a classical Dane dancer

Howard Koslow was an artistic designer

And a famous postage stamp enhancer

Paul Kantner was a founder of Jefferson Airplane

Signe Anderson was their first lead singer

Bob Elliott was half of comedy’s Bob & Ray

Masters of the come-back zinger

Maurice White was the leader of Earth, Wind & Fire

The funkiest, most magical band

Mrinalini Sarabhai was an Indian dancer who could tell stories

With the slightest twitch of her hand

Yvonne Chouteau was a Native American ballerina

Violette Verdy could dance on her toes

Margaret Forster wrote Georgy Girl

To underscore a chubby girl’s woes

Jacques Rivette was a New Wave director

Warren Manzi wrote Perfect Crime

Which is the longest running play in NYC

At least, up until this time

Mary Fiumara was the window-shouting mother in Prince Spaghetti ads

Umberto Eco wrote The Name of the Rose

Denise Matthews’ persona was Vanity

Who sang in sultry, sexy clothes

Frank Finlay was a British actor

As Iago and Porthos and such

Paul Aiken fought for authors’ digital rights

Which authors appreciated very much

Sam Spence composed scores for NFL hi-lights

Douglas Slocombe filmed Indiana Jones

Sonny James was country music’s Southern Gentleman

With sweet-country-gentlemanly tones

Harper Lee wrote To Kill a Mockingbird

It was her singular claim to fame

But its powerful storytelling

Made Atticus Finch a household name

Steven Stucky was a Pulitzer-winning composer

George Kennedy played tough movie guys

Tony Dyson created R2D2

A droid that had no eyes

Pat Conroy wrote The Great Santini

Then the Prince of Tides

Rev. Robert Palladino created the font

 Used in all of Apple’s guides

Alice Arlen was the co-writer of Silkwood

George Gaynes played hundreds of parts

Ralph Baruch led Viacom’s rise

To power in the visual arts

Sir George Martin was the 5th Beatle

Though he never took the stage

And he was my boss and diving partner

In a way, way younger age

Lennie Baker was a Sha-Na-Na singer

He played saxophone, ya know?

Frank Sinatra, Jr. mostly conducted the band

For his father’s Vegas show

John Chilton was an historic jazz trumpeter

Robert Horton starred on Wagon Train

Paul Daniels was a magician on the BBC

During a thirty-plus-year reign

Larry Drake played the clerk on L A Law

Gil Hill was in Beverly Hills Cop

Garry Shandling was as funny as anyone

Until he suddenly decided to stop

Naná Vasconcelos played Brazilian percussion

Gogi Grant sang on Hit Parade

Ken Adam designed Dr. Strangelove and Dr. No

Two of the best doctor movies ever made

Keith Emerson, with Lake and Palmer

Created techno-poppy hits

Tony Burton played Apollo Creed’s trainer

Giving Rocky Balboa fits

James Sheldon directed TV for forty years

Joe Santos was on The Rockford Files

Anita Brookner’s dreary novels like Hotel du Lac

Were devoid of many smiles

Michael White produced O Calcutta

Rocky Horror Show too

Earl Hammer created The Waltons

So he could tell John-Boy what to do

Patti Duke’s career was storied

On TV, on film and stage

Carlo Mastrangelo sang with The Belmonts

When Doo-Wop was all the rage

Jan Nemec was known for Dream Realism

Rita Gam was a glamorous star

Joe Garagiola was a mediocre catcher

But one of the best baseball commentators, by far

Ken Howard played The White Shadow

Malik Taylor was Phife Dawg of A Tribe Called Quest

Frankie Michaels was just 11 years old

When the Tony’s called him the best

David Smyrl was Mr. Handford on Sesame Street

Frank De Felitta wrote Audrey Rose

Coca Chrystal was the East Village anarchist

On scores of cable access shows

Seymour Lazar was the flamboyant attorney

 For Miles and Lenny Bruce

Adrienne Corri was the rape victim in A Clockwork Orange’s

Graphically hard to watch abuse

Jim Harrison penned True North

And Legends of the Fall

Merle Haggard was the Okie From Muskogee

And the best Outlaw of them all

James Noble played the Governor on Benson

Getatchew Mekurya played Ethiopian sax

Shannon Bolin was Meg in Damn Yankees

I checked, and dems da facts

David Baker was a musical mentor

He brought Jazz Studies to Indiana U

Peggy Fortnum illustrated Paddington

So all could see what that Teddy could do

Imre Kertesz won a Nobel for Fateless

William Hamilton drew New Yorker cartoons

Julia Meade was a TV pitch woman

Selling washers and jewelry and spoons

Rod Daniel directed Teen Wolf

He was a very funny guy

David Gest was a short-lived Mr. Minnelli

Until Liza waved bye bye

Gato Barbieri was a Latin sax man

 Who wrote the Last Tango in Paris score

Tony Barrow was the Beatles publicist

 Who first called the lads Fab Four

E. M. Nathanson wrote The Dirty Dozen

Vladimir Kagan’s furniture had sensual designs

Arthur Anderson was the voice of the Lucky Charms Leprechaun

“And I like them too!”, was one of his lines

Anne Jackson was a beloved stage actress

Doris Roberts played Raymond’s mom

Remo Belli was an inventor of replaceable heads

For your snare or your kick or your tom

Julius La Rosa was the silkiest-voiced crooner

That the world may every know

William Schallert was a prolific TV actor

Like the dad on The Patty Duke Show

Bill Backer wrote It’s the Real Thing

Coca Cola’s indelible song

Carl Fredrik Reutersward sculpted The Knotted Gun

To point out that guns are simply wrong

Prince had a unique genius

And he often wore purple pants

Michael Jackson’s comment to me when he first heard his music, was

“I hope that boy can’t dance!”

Guy Clark was the Texas Troubadours’ king

He sang of “Desperados on a Train”

Les Waas wrote the Mister Softee jingle

Which keeps jingling around in my head…I mean like non-stop…for like 50 years…I bet you could hear it if you got close enough…it’s real…I’m not insane

Guy Hamilton directed Bond films

Martin Friedman’s vision shaped the Walker Art Center

Harold Cohen’s computer-art-generating Aaron

Was the life’s work of that inventor

Lonnie Mack was a Blues/Rock pioneer

Yang Jiang translated Don Quixote to Chinese

Morley Safer investigatedly reported for 60 Minutes

Since the early 70’s

Billy Paul sang Me and Mrs. Jones

Sylvia Kauders always played “The Old Jewish Lady”

Mell Lazarus was still drawing Miss Peach and Momma

Until he was well past 80

Katherine Dunn was a brilliant writer

Geek Love should be on everyone’s top ten

Burt Kwok was the Pink Panther’s Cato

Surprising Clouseau again and again

Isao Tomita made Japanese electronic music

Alan Young was Wilbur on Mr. Ed

Marni Nixon could have been a big star on her own

But she sang mostly as others instead

Joe Temperley played a velvet-toned baritone sax

Jeremy Steig played jazz and rock flute

Anton Yeltsin spent most of his life

Giving Chekov a reboot

Jane Little was a bassist for the Atlanta Symphony

For most of 71 years

Robert Swanson was the King of Jingles

And sometimes jingled for the King of Beers

Dave Swarbrick was a British folk fiddler

Michu Meszaros played Alf on TV

Alvin Toffler wrote Future Shock

About things only he could see

Charles Durning was in Tootsie, and Best Little Whore House

Scotty Moore played guitar for The King

Frank Modell’s New Yorker cartoons

Lampooned almost everything

Michael Dann produced The Smothers Brothers and Dick Van Dyke 

All In the Family and Mary Tyler Moore

Bernie Worrell was P-Funk’s keyboardist

In the studio and then on tour

Peter Shaffer penned Equus and Amadeus

Goro Hasegawa made up the game of Othello

Vaughn Harper was the voice of The Quiet Storm

So soothing and so mellow

Theresa Saldana got stalked and started Victims for Victims

Michael Herr co-wrote Apocalypse Now

Frank Whipple painted whimsical nuns

And claimed a nun once showed him how

Janet Waldo voiced Judy Jetson and Josie

Ron Lester was big, and that’s the truth

Noel Neill played Lois Lane on 50’s TV

When Superman still changed in a phone booth

Anatol Kovarsky’s New Yorker cartoons

Never had any words

Jack Davis was one of Mad Magazine’s usual cast of idiots

Who touched the hearts of millions of nerds

Jimmy Nederlander was the Patriarch

Of the New York theater scene

Rob Wassermann was a slammin’ bass player

Ever since he was a teen

Bill Richmond worked with Jerry Lewis

And wrote for The Carol Burnett Show

Yves Bonnefoy was a French poet and Shakespeare translator

So French people would know how those plays go

Fred Tomlinson arranged the music

For  the Monty Python gang

Mack Rice wrote Mustang Sally

Which he produced and played and sang

Ralph Stanley was the Godfather of Bluegrass

Don Friedman was a piano-playin’ fool

Elena Doria directed the Met Children’s Chorus for 30 years

When the kids were not in school

Bill Cunningham was a Times fashion photographer

Sandy Perlman managed Blue Öyster Cult

Garry Marshall was a writer/director/comedian

And he was Jewish, Oy, Gevalt!

Michael Cimino directed Year of the Dragon, The Deer Hunter

And the studio-busting Heaven’s Gate

Tim LaHaye wrote the Left Behind series

Which was interesting, but not that great

John McMartin was a Broadway actor

In Follies and Sweet Charity

Michael Crawford’s wisecracking New Yorker cartoons

Often brought us poignant clarity

Hector Babenco directed Kiss of the Spider Woman

And the compelling Ironweed

Gloria DeHaven was a movie beauty

And a heartthrob, yes, indeed!

Gary Paxton produced Alley Oop, Cherry Pie

 And Monster Mash, to name a few

James Houghton founded the Signature Theater

Because that was simply what he had to do

James Alan McPherson was the first black Pulitzer recipient

Zelda Fichandler founded Arena Stage

Glenn Yarbrough sang lead for The Limeliters

When folk was still front page

Chris Costner Sizemore was the real woman

Behind The Three Faces of Eve

Pete Fountain was one of Dixieland’s greatest

At least that’s what I believe

Kenny Baker played R2-D2

He learned to trust The Force

David Huddleston was a Coen brothers favorite

Who played The Big Lebowski, of course

Elliot Tiber was the Chamber of Commerce president

Who gave Woodstock the green light

Patrice Munsel was a Met soprano by day

And a game show panelist by night

Ruby Wilson was the Queen of Beale Street

Jack Riley played a patient on The Bob Newhart Show

Rudy Van Gelder was of sound mind

But he was hard to get to know

Fyvush Finkel came from Yiddish Theater

Then became a TV star

Bobby Hutcherson was most likely the vibraphon-est

Among all the vibraphonists there are

Arthur Hiller directed Love Story…sappy

 And The In-Laws…a riotous hoot

Connie Crothers was a jazz piano player

And a jazz composer to boot

Toots Thielemans was a legendary jazz master

But to me, he was a friend

And I loved him and every note he tooted

Until the very end

Fred Hellerman was the last Weaver

Wayne Jackson was a Memphis Horn

Gene Wilder was simply one of the funniest men

Who was ever born

Jerry Heller managed N.W.A.

John Polito played quirky bad guys

Bobby Breen was a star of Depression Era movies

While he was still child size

Lou Perlman invented the Backstreet Boys

Then went to prison for a Ponzi scheme

Anna Dewdney wrote the bedtime Llama, Llama books

So there would be something pleasant for kids to dream

Jack Hofsiss directed The Elephant Man

William Kinsella wrote Shoeless Joe

Chris Stone practically invented independent recording

Almost 50 years ago

Bill Etra was a video animator

Henry McCullough played guitar for Wings

Charmian Carr played Liesl in The Sound of Music

About a family that always sings

Hugh O’Brien was TV’s Wyatt Earp

Bill Nunn was my Sister Act pal

Alice Drummond was in the first Ghostbusters movie

But everybody called her Al

Juan Gabriel was a Mexican superstar

John D. Loudermilk wrote Tobacco Road

Don Buchla was a mad scientist electronic music pioneer

Before anyone knew how to code

Edward Albee gave us Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Marvin Kaplan played nerdy Henry on Alice

Agnes Nixon was a well-loved soap opera queen

But never made it to the palace

Curtis Hanson directed L.A. Confidential

Lois Duncan wrote What You Did Last Summer

“Chips” Moman produced Elvis, Willy Nelson, Johnny Cash

Then he died, and that’s a bummer

Steven Hill starred on Mission Impossible and Law and Order

Michael Massee was accidentally Brandon Lee’s killer

Rod Temperton was an amazing songwriter

For example, he co-composed Thriller

Morton Schindel brought children’s books to the screen

Nathan Lyons advocated photography as art

Tammy Grimes played The Unsinkable Molly Brown

Without question, her most famous part

Lady Chablis was a character in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

Richard Trentlage wrote The Oscar Mayer Weiner Song

Austin Kalish wrote the Maude abortion episode

When many viewers thought it was just wrong

Stanley Dural, Jr. founded Buckwheat Zydeco

George Barris snapped Marilyn’s last shots

Phil Chess’s Chess Records helped folk, (including me), and blues artists

Then he died and that just rots

Peter Allen was the voice of The Metropolitan Opera

Joan Marie Johnson was a Dixie Cup

Kevin Meaney had a sense of humor

That always cracked me up

Leslie Martinson was a 50’s TV director

The Millionaire, Roy Rogers and Topper

Jean Shepard’s yodeling at the Opry

Was a guaranteed show stopper

Jaime Davidovich aired The Live Show on cable access

Andrzej Wajda made films for Poles

Yvette Chauviré was a French prima ballerina

With those toe shoes that I think have no soles

Gordon Davidson was the AD of Center Theatre Group

Bing Thom drafted daring theater designs

Mose Allison wrote Everybody Cryin’ Mercy

And countless satirically memorable lines

Richard Linke managed Andy Griffith and Jim Nabors

Brock Yates created Cannonball Run

Bobby Vee sang Take Good Care of My Baby

Back in 1961

Gloria Naylor wrote The Women of Brewster Place

Thom Jones was the author of Viet Nam stories

Natalie Babbitt wrote Tuck Everlasting

Filled with subtle allegories

Oscar Brand hosted the longest running single-host radio show

Folksong Festival to those who knew it

I was on twice in the olden days

‘Cause he asked me if I’d do it

Richard Steiner was a poker-playing Broadway producer

Pierre Étaix acted and directed

Kay Starr sang iconic pop songs

That were singularly affected

Irving Fields was a composer and lounge pianist

Bob Cranshaw played great jazz bass

Louis Stettner photographed everyday life in New York and Paris

Where you seldom recognized anyone’s face

Neville Marriner founded Saint Martin in the Fields

Ann Morgan Guilbert was on The Dick Van Dyke Show

David Bunnell published  PC and Macworld

Which can be found wherever you go

Robert Weber was a New Yorker cartoonist

Florence Henderson played Mrs. Brady

Sharon Jones was the lead singer of the Dap-Kings

And a very soulful lady

Leo Beranek was a concert hall acoustics guru

And an early contributor to the InterNet

Norman Brokaw became the agent for Marilyn and Elvis

To see what gigs that he could get

Pete Burns was the flamboyant lead singer

For Dead or Alive, You Spin Me Round

Curly Putnam wrote The Green, Green Grass of Home

A more country kind of sound

Leonard Cohen was a poet and prophet

His music was transcendent

Hearing Suzanne in ’66

Made me a lifelong co-dependent

Robert Vaughn was the Man from U.N.C.L.E

Greg Lake played EL & P guitar

Leon Russell was a brilliant songwriting machine

 Just listen to Superstar

Al Brodax envisioned Yellow Submarine

Andrew Sachs played Manuel in Fawlty Towers

David Mancuso hosted legendary all-night Loft parties

That lasted for hours and hours

Fritz Weaver was an award-winning actor

Ernestine Anderson sang straight from her heart

Jules Eskin played principal cello with the BSO

And he always knew his part

Jean-Jacques Perrey was a pioneer of electronic music

Ron Glass was a Barney Miller cop

Robert Bennett created original shows on local TV

‘Cause nobody told him he had to stop

Milt Okun produced John Denver

And Peter, Paul & Mary for years

Nancy Meehan was a statuesque dancer

Who was loved by all of her peers

Al Caiola played guitar for Buddy Holly and Frank Sinatra

 And on Bonanza, he played that lick

Grant Tinker produced hits like Cheers and Hill Street Blues

Because he figured out what made television tick

Paul Sylbert designed the sets for Heaven Can Wait

Herbert Hardesty played Fats Domino’s sax

Larry Muhoberac was a great studio keyboardist

Who can be heard on hundreds of tracks

Raynoma Gordy Singleton was Berry’s first wife

She reportedly signed Stevie Wonder

Richard Adams wrote Watership Down

I think in England, not somewhere Down Under

Milt Moss became famous for,”I can’t believe I ate the whole thing”

Van Williams played Green Hornet on TV

Joe Ligon was the lead singer of The Mighty Clouds of Joy

And a long time friend to me

Bob Krasnow was an Elektra Records exec

Alan Thicke was on Growing Pains

David Berry wrote The Whales of August

About elderly women’s brains

E. R. Braithwaite authored To Sir, With Love

Rodney Smith’s photos were of a whimsical sort

Alphonse Mouzon was a popular jazz drummer

And once played with Weather Report

Zsa Zsa

Fran Jeffries had a part in The Pink Panther

Michèle Morgan won first Best Actress at Cannes

Dick Latessa won the Tony for Hairspray

But he was always, always on

Gordie Tapp was a Hee Haw regular

Tyrus Wong drew Bambi, the deer

George S. Irving’s booming baritone

Was never hard to hear

George Michael was a pop star

He of “Faith” and “I Want Your Sex”

For him, fame was never easy

Rather challenging and complex

Carrie Fisher spoke out on the horrors of depression

Perhaps from Leia’s point of view

And her untimely passing broke sweet Debbie Reynolds’ heart

And the next day, she left us too

The Sporting Life…

Dave Sime once ran the fastest

Walt “No Neck” Williams played for the Sox

Junk Tabei was the first woman to conquer Everest

‘Cause she like to climb tall rocks

Bud Collins commented on TV tennis

Luis Arroyo pitched in relief

Mike Sandlock was the oldest Big Leaguer

Whose career was none too brief

Some say Kenny Sailors invented the jump shot

Barney Hall was NASCAR’s voice

Maria Teresa de Filippis was a pioneer in Formula I racing

I assume it was her choice

Leonid Zhabotinsky was the super-heavyweight lifting champ

Buddy Ryan strategized football defense

Jack Riley coached the 1960 Miracle Team

To hockey gold, which made no sense

Pat Summitt was a legendary basketball coach

Bernard Farrelly was a surfing dude

Bobby Chacon was a troubled boxing champ

With a troubling attitude

Forbes Carlile was an innovative swim coach

Johan Cruyff was the Dutch soccer High Priest

Nate Thurmond was the Warriors’ masterful defensive center

He must have been 8’-2”, at least

Nera White was the first woman

Elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame

Jose Fernandez was a Marlin’s all-star pitcher

And millions knew his name

Ali was simply The Greatest

He was the Master of Sweet Science

And he boldly stood for peace

Against the draft’s unfair compliance

Gordie Howe was a childhood hero

A giant on the ice

I met him when I was 7 or 8

And he seemed very, very nice

Arnold Palmer had an army

He was an icon on the links

And he turned two blasé beverages

Into one of my favorite drinks

Suzanne Mitchell turned the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders

Into a recognizable worldwide brand

Aaron Pryor was the Junior Welterweight Champ

Who could hurt opponents with either hand

Simone Schaller was a hurdler in the ’32 Olympics

Craig Sager’s jackets were always bold

Sammy Lee was the first Asian-American

To bring home Olympic gold

Personally…

I loved my cousin, Gloria

I guess, for all my life

To me she was the model

Of mother, friend and wife

Yet

It was her naturally boundless kindness

That set her far apart

And left a gift of goodness

Etched on everybody’s heart

•••

Mandel Berman, we called him Bill

Was my oldest kin

He spent most of his life observing the world

From the outside, looking in

Much of his considerable wealth was used

To leave his often anonymous mark

On making lives better and lifting up souls

Who were stumbling in the dark

•••

She was barely sixty inches tall

But her nature was a force

To be reckoned with by friend and foe alike

And by all who loved her, of course

We called her Baube, Mom, Auntie Dorothy

D’vash to my dear Dad

And though I miss her so, already

And I’m the poster child for “sad”

Her life was one of happiness

Of cookies and adventures

Who gets to live past 96 years

Without eyeglasses or dentures?

Her heart could open in the blink of an eye

She was quick to volunteer

She would have insisted on planning her own funeral

If only she were here

She could sew a dress, knit a shawl

Or hem a pair of pants

She loved the arts…and the crafts

And she loved to sing and dance

She was feisty, you might say, stubborn

She’d often push me to the edge

But she always had a big, warm hug

When I came in from the ledge

She had opinions

And she wore them on her sleeve

And she held a grudge or two or…ten

Sometimes for years, I believe

She had her own rules for playing Uno

She thought Bingo, way too hard

And she liked to yell Yahtzee! at unexpected times

Just to keep you off your guard

She was hilarious

She could always make me laugh

Some people are just funny

She was funny and a half

I know

She loved us all

Everybody felt it

She had a magical gift

To touch the coldest heart, and melt it

Don’t you feel lucky?

I know I’m grateful

For the one thing that’s crystal clear

That our lives are so much richer

Because

Dorothy Moss was here

Dénouement… 

Sure,

Hillary was tragically damaged

But Donald Trump is hopelessly broken

And, sadly, I’ve made no progress

By being critically outspoken

I fear danger is afoot

The times they are a’changin’

And not with folk songs and enlightenment

But

By some egomaniac’s derangin’

So, bend over, grab your ankles

Call it exercise

Take a moment to look lovingly

Into your pet’s or loved one’s eyes

Because

When all is said and done

There’s little more that matters

Love may be the only fire wall

To keep us safe from the Mad Hatters

Take a deep, cathartic cleansing breath

Imagine something good

To wit…

A loving gift has been made in all of your names to:

Project Angel Food

http://www.angelfood.org/