Saturday, March 3, 2018
11:58pm
What a week. I had the Dems and the Republicans, those acne-skinned kids from Florida and that Wayne LaPiere whack job from the NRA all eating out of my hand. They all think I’m the coolest dude because I care so much about whatever they care about. I don’t know what the F*** they care about! But I’ll tell you this, there was absolutely no collusion.
Hope got rattled during her Congressional hearing and I had to kick her really tight and beautifully shaped ass out of the White House. She said that she sometimes had to tell “white lies” for me. What a crock. She’s hot, but she obviously hasn’t read the Constitution. Article something-or-other clearly states that “…if the President says it, it’s the truth.”
Told Kelly to 86 Ivanka and Jared. I sent Ivanka to Korea to shut down the North Korean nuke program and all she did was eat, change outfits about thirty times and watch a bunch of gay figure skaters keep falling on their asses. And, my golden boy, Jared, has too much baggage to even get a high enough clearance to empty the trash in the Oval. He hasn’t done dick about peace in the middle east because he’s so worried about his $1B debt on that satanic 666 building, (I told him it’s a piece of cake stiffing creditors for a billion…easier than trying to scam a $6 latte from Starbuck’s…believe me). Frankly, I’ve really had it with all of the Jew business anyway.
That story about the Russian seductress locked up in a Thai prison is just fake news. I mean really, who ya gonna believe, POTUS or some skinny, likes-to-pee-on-you whore from Belarus?
I really shook up the markets with my tariffs on steel and aluminum imports idea. Critics just don’t get how important this move was. Most people don’t realize that Canada is right there on our northern border and this is really going to put the kibosh on their nuclear program. One less enemy to worry about.
That no-talent Alex Baldwin A-hole. I think Billy’s way more talented.
I changed Melania’s prenupt. The original required her to return everything I bought her if we split and, you know, like adios muchacha, don’t let the golden door hit you in the ass on your way out. In the revised version, she gets to keep one piece of jewelry, (my choice), and one pair of shoes, (hers). Anyway, I think she’s not so pissed off. At least she’s agreed to be seen in public with me once or twice if I don’t try to touch her, which is OK as long Ashley Madison doesn’t cancel my Long Don Silver account.
I don’t get all of the hoo-ha about Ben Carson’s office furniture. As far as I know, a decent desk chair costs about $30K…am I missing something?
Not sure how to get that little sock puppet, Jeff Sessions, to resign. If he would just quit, I could replace him with somebody who’d get rid of Mueller. This investigation is turning up all sorts of crap that’s nobody’s business. I’ve been laundering Russian money for years. Suddenly, just ‘cause I’m President, it’s a big deal. And, why can’t I be friends with Putin? Ivana liked him…a lot. I’ve often suspected that Eric, (you know, the dumb one), might be his.
And, once and for all about this collusion nonsense. I’m told that by definition a collusion is when you get a bunch of information about something and then form a credible opinion based on that information. I certainly have never done that.
Don