I am not able to verify this with Google Translate, but I’m absolutely certain, (at least, as certain as any statement, aside, rejoinder, exaltation, burp or babble from last week’s through-the-looking glass gathering of morons in Orlando), that CPAC is the colloquial, common, Cyrillic spelling, in Russian, for booooooooooo-shit.  So, please, please, please stop saying how smart Ted Cruz is because he went to Princeton and Harvard.  Unless he majored in Crap-Pulled-Out-of-the-Ass-of-an-Evil-Warlock 101, (I have not found the course listings for the years he attended, but both schools seem to have subsequently dropped that curriculum), there is no way that his accumulated body of knowledge was formed from any scholarly text or factual dissertation.  But…I’m really not here to rail against whatever genetic mutation caused such blatant nihilism in a group of would-be Batman nemeses.  I’m here to talk about the National Anthem.  You know, our crappy war song that we’re told to hold in our crossed hearts with unfaltering, (kneeling?), reverence.  A tune that has only been uplifted by the very few…Hendrix, without question and Whitney’s Super Bowl performance of the inspired John Clayton arrangement, of course.  Yet, time after interminable pre-game time, the cockamamie tradition of trotting out an equal opportunity variety of interpreters, has skewed significantly toward the cringe-worthy.  Enter 19-year-old Sailor Sobol, taking to the CPAC stage to offer her life-altering, acapella performance.  To be fair, she does not have an “unpleasant” voice, and this was without question her biggest moment and anyone would have been nervous…oh, and there were those very opinionated Nazis and White Supremacists who were her in-house audience.  What could go wrong…right?  Well, if the relentless YouTube shaming of Miss Sobol is any indication…everything.  That her for-all-time rendition, sung simultaneously in every key and subsequently enhanced by countless brilliant yet bullying collaborators, will follow her forever, is the sad state of life during the InterNet Age.  That its absurdist nature symbolizes the cartoon-character assemblage in Orlando…well, that’s no CPAC!