Maybe there’s some psychological underpinning that dictates the need to make everything seem like a game or a puzzle to entice general participation, but enough already!

I was at the AT&T Store three weeks ago to upgrade my in-laws ancient cell phones, and while I had the rapt attention of a seemingly knowledgeable service professional, I thought I would review my corporate cellular account, (now the blanket for most members of my family), to assure I was enrolled in the most beneficial and economically appropriate program.  He took the task to heart, clicking, calculating and giggling through screen after screen of options.  After several minutes, (more like 20), he started with, “Well, you could do a lot better”, then switched to a language of unknown origin with familiar sounding vocabulary and nearly understandable content.  He went on for quite some time, punctuating his presentation with buzz words like “savings” and “rebates” and “unlimited”, pointing to a large video display on the wall from time to time to indicate several super deals for which I could qualify.  I think I interjected an occasional, “Huh?” during his infrequent gasps for breath and when he finally paused, I dropped what I considered to be my simple bottom line.  I just wanted to make sure that I was getting the services I needed, based on the history of my usage, at the best possible rate.  “Oh,” he said, as if that was a newly broached subject…more clicking and calculating ensued.  Finally…”If you switch to this plan, (turning his computer screen so I could see the display of hieroglyphics), you will save $80 off of your present monthly fee with unlimited calling, texting and InterNet usage five times greater than you have ever used and you are eligible for an on-going promotion, if you switch service of two existing devices, don’t worry, just paper work, that gives you a $200 credit today and another $200 credit in three months.  Your only charges today will be ninety-nine cents each for your in-laws new phones.”  Of course I jumped all over that.  This week I got my bill.  My monthly fee went UP by $58, there were two charges for $38 each for indecipherable goods and/or services and there was, (surprise!), no $200 credit.  I returned to the AT&T Store and found the same “helpful” rep.  “What’s the deal with my bill?”, I asked, in as even a tone as a put upon bi-polar gentleman can muster under such circumstances.  Nervous clicking and calculating…”Oh, well your billing cycle rolled five days after we switched you over so you were prorated a portion of the old monthly fee…that’s the $58.  The $38’s are set-up fees for the two new phones and you won’t see your first rebate credit for at least 45 days.”  I took the recommended number of calming breaths, (somewhere between 16 and 82), realizing I had not read all of the rules for playing the AT&T game, but confident of my strategy.  “The $58 is bogus and simply AT&T’s way of giving themselves a bonus.  The $38’s are doubly bogus.  There is no new service for those phones, same numbers, same billing.  If you wanted to charge $38.99 for them, you should have advertised them as such.  If, in AT&T speak, “today” means “in 45 days”, I can live with that, but why didn’t you just say that to begin with?  Now, you have five minutes to reverse the bogus and doubly bogus charges and show me something that says when I get my rebates.”  “No problem, sir,” he replied, click, click…done.

There was no reason for any of that time consuming and frivolous dance other than the fact that AT&T, like any service company or car dealership or medical provider or military industrial complex or world government knows, that their profit and power exponentially increases by the level of confusion brought on by the complexity of the rules of their game.  The profit motive may be alive and well, but in the end, the inter-related chaos insures there can ultimately be no winners.  To make things worse, I bent my spinner.