First, try to wrap your head around the fact that more people voted in the Indian national election last week than there are people in the United States; nearly twice as many. Then, (if you can, once again, indulge my sense of over-simplicity), embrace the concept that the key issue in Narendra Modi’s landslide victory was a promise of, “toilets for all!”, maybe, just maybe the absurdity of almost everything else might become crystal clear.

In the richest, most powerful country on Earth, we are concentrating our energy, time and vast resources on a fifth go-round of Benghazi inquiries; the Turks are tear-gassing, plastic-bulleting and water-hosing their citizens for protesting unsafe mining practices; the Chinese and Vietnamese are having a pissing contest over a stretch of water that neither of them give a shit about; the Nigerians are trying to pretend that they give a year-of-the-rat’s ass, (see China, above), about the two hundred plus girls kidnapped by Boko Haram, (translation: He-man Woman Haters Club, or Girls Shud Stay Stoopid Sussietee); Mexico is a shop-at-your-own-peril drug store, but without the yummy candy aisle; the Russians are…I got nothin’, but a nasty-looking guy named Mischa took a bunch of my stuff and told me that it really wanted to be with him; the Brazilians are exterminating their own people, (albeit only the dirty street types and a few protestors who think that that’s not a good idea), so that Rio is prettier and safer during the Olympics and the World Cup; the French are having a film festival; the Malaysians are looking for a plane; the Australians are helping the Malaysians look for their plane; CNN is devoting twenty-four-hour-yellow-ribbon coverage to the search until that plane is found, straying from that mandate only to give us breaking news on Donald Sterling; the Japanese are pretending that their nuclear power grid is safe and fixable; the Greeks have got everybody eating their yogurt, (this may be incorrect as I haven’t been able to find one brand of Greek yogurt that comes from anywhere within a thousand miles of Greece); the Brits have renewed giddiness over their royals; and the Swedes…well, they’ve got them meatballs.

All worth putting off other, more dire issues in our Camus-esque world of governance, but I’m going with the toilets, although I really used to love them meatballs.