If I was, say…Ayatollah Joelie, for instance, and I had, like, most of my country bowing to my every pronouncement, I think I could come up with something a little more inspiring than, “Death to America!” as my go to rallying cry.  Not that it doesn’t seem to play well for those who are using it, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that, “Free Cones at Ben & Jerry’s!” or something of that nature, would have similar, if not more universal effect.  And…with the cone thing, at least there’s the immediate gratification of a yummy treat instead of some vague afterlife promise of multiple virgins or an eternity of basking in the glorious light of Allah.

I won’t make this all about religious dogma…that’s so, you know…last week, but as I scrolled through the screens of my AppleWatch® demo, confident of the accuracy of both time and date, getting to 2015 just seemed like an ample adjustment period since the dawn of the global socialization of mankind.  Our humanity may remain humanely challenged as a species, but individually, outside of the terrifying influences of parochial damnation, ethnic purity, national pride and middle school bullying, most people, way more than just most, want the same basic things; food and shelter, peace, security and love.  So, if I ran Iran, (or any place else for that matter), I’d immediately change the name back to Persia, (much sexier, and Iranian rugs?…I don’t think so.  Oh, and the name change would not apply to any “any place else” previously alluded to).  I’d take all of the country’s wealth and end hunger and homelessness.  I’d throw in universal health care and education so that the “future” would be perceived as a time way past two hours from now.  I’d encourage and reward creativity in art and science, and most definitely restore that “birthplace of literature” thing.  I’d download some photos of Israel, so the next time I’m asked if I recognize it, I could say, “yes”.  I’d turn the tables on the nuclear treaty talks by agreeing to never pursue the development of a nuclear weapon if every other war-mongering, planet-strangling nation would dismantle theirs and aspire to become like the peace-loving-Tales-of-Scheherazade utopia of Joelie’s New Persia.  And…Wednesday would be bowling night.