As a constant observer, (I wish I could look away), of the reporting, spin, bluster, re-spin and back-pedaling misdirection of the facts or alternative-facts of every issue, dire or trivial, I am woefully aware of the need for an appearance of credibility. Therefore, these facks, my facks, although admittedly pulled, (and intentionally and creatively misspelled), directly out of my ass, are 100% true and may not be refuted by Sean Spicer, Stephen Miller, the increasingly witchy Kellyanne Conway or anyone else whose butt-stream blather has soiled the public conversation.
As far as I know…
Trump’s suck up to Russia is absolutely tied to those reported, salacious piss tapes, which are, believe me, 100% real. Russia has been cultivating the Pavlovian Candidate for years. They have manipulated him in business deals, promoted his celebrity on The Apprentice by rigging the Nielsen Ratings, (in actuality, less than fifty people watched the show…far less than the eighty or so that watch the Schwartzenegger version), stroked his ego and various other body parts, (often on video), and convinced him that he had leadership qualities. They created his slogan, Make America Great Again”, to plant the seed that ‘America Sucks!’ Then, the Russians blatantly and publicly manipulated the election. Putin personally picked the Trump cabinet, (the most rag-tag posse of misfits ever assembled), to inflict the flesh-eating chaos that is tearing our country apart from the inside. Russian scientists created Kellyanne in a secret laboratory in Siberia, (Sean Spicer was made from spare parts). The idea of The Wall, (not to be confused with the confusing Matt Damon sci-fi version), was, in fact, (or fack, if you’re playing the home game), the winning strategy in the Kremlin’s How to Destroy America Without Firing A Shot Contest, won by 6th grader, Leonid Tsurgenov, for which he received a family pass to the yet to be built, Six Soviet Flags Over Moscow; the simple premise being, (which even a 6th grader was able to figure out), that it would take all of the money in the world to build such a stupid thing, thus bankrupting, (something Trump is actually good at), the US. These facks are completely and irrefutably verifiable by the same methods that the Trump administration uses.
I also know…
That 47% of the American electorate and the entire Republican Congress, as far as I can tell, not directly brainwashed at the hands of the Russians, have, nevertheless, embraced the Putin Puppet as if he was a loveable plush toy when, in fack, he’s Chucky…not like Chucky, really and truly, Chucky…according to my terrifically reliable sources.