In two days, (I’m thinking that if there’s anybody around in the future to read a chronicle of the event, it has to be nicknamed ‘Bad Hair Day’), the sideshow comes to Singapore and the entire world will focus on two insignificant, (albeit, potentially civilization-ending), crackpots who will match wits, girth and tonsorial splendor in a sham display of diplomacy. What could possibly go wrong? Well…any of the following, perhaps:
- Kim will use the poison handshake he used to kill his brother, and nuclear war will ensue
- Trump will use his regular butter churn handshake which will make Kim shit, (which, according to North Korean state policy, he has never done before), and nuclear war will ensue
- Kim will insist that Trump is not a good deal maker, (which loosely translated from the Korean means, ‘pock-cheeked baboon’), and nuclear war will ensue
- Trump will call Kim “Buddha Boy”, (which literally translated to Kim-speak means, ‘fucktard’), and nuclear war will ensue
- Kim will offer Trump a gift of a hand-painted, made-in-China tie, (from the same factory as all Trump brand ties are made), purposefully three feet too short, and nuclear war will ensue
- Trump will offer Kim a two-week stay at the Trump Koreatown Economy Suites in Levittown, NJ, and nuclear war will ensue
- Kim will proudly introduce his wife and sister…Trump will show Kim naked pictures of Melania and Ivanka on his unsecured cell phone…they will share a genuinely congenial moment…then nuclear war will ensue
- Kim will menacingly show Trump his button…Trump will reflexively push his bigger button…and nuclear war will ensue
- Kim will promise to dismantle his nuclear arsenal and Trump will promise to send him selfies with his Nobel Peace Prize, and nuclear war will ensue
Or…
Nothing of significance will happen…Trump will claim a brilliant, unprecedented, bigger-than-anything-the-world-has-ever-seen diplomatic victory…Kim will claim to have out-maneuvered the evil Americans and that his hands are bigger and his haircut is way cooler than the old fat guy, (his words, not mine…well), President’s…things will return to the day-to-day shit storm which is our new normal, until somebody sneezes…and nuclear war will ensue.
