Oh no! Not the AAA rating! What if we need a new refrigerator or one of those never-stops-sucking vacuums? Oh yeah, I forgot, we can always print some cash….never mind.

In the midst of all of the chaos and market tumbling, I do have a million-dollar idea. I just need to check on the protocol for waving the white flag. I am poised and ready to ship the “Official US Surrender FLag” and the “Official US Surrender FLag – Deluxe”, both made from torn, 100% Chinese cotton bed sheets with the word “UNCRE” hand embroidered in the approximate center – Deluxe package includes stick. The protocol check is to determine if giving up requires all of us to wave or just one guy like, say, the President. The ‘all of us’ scenario would be preferable to my marketing strategy unless I can convince the government procurement dude of the immeasurable, Liberty Bell-like value of the true symbol of America’s defeat…priceless.

The abhorrent behavior of the US Congress and the pansy-assed bumbling of our US President have made me a Jr. Tea Party-er. Government quite obviously has no business governing and we should all be left alone to fend for ourselves. So what if we all die of horrible communicable disease, or perish due to an inadequate or tainted food supply, or get caught in the endless wild-west gunfire of unchecked lawlessness or stumble about unschooled and uneducated? We’re almost there anyway. We could take Rick Perry’s advice and just trust that god will take care of everything, although if that were going to happen, why would He suddenly step up now?

Have we all been so brutalized by the absurdity and heedlessness of government that we are willing to simply give up without taking to the streets in protest? Anybody remember the Civil Rights Movement or Viet Nam? Are we going to give up on our children’s future because of the inadequacy and spinelessness of a handful of duly elected morons?

Bend Over Enterprises, Inc. certainly hopes so.

to order your
“Official US Surrender FLag” – $9.95 + $32.68 s&h
or
“Official US Surrender FLag – Deluxe” – $19.95 + $252.16 s&h
(have you ever tried to mail a stick?)
or
“Official US Surrender FLag – Government Edition” – $10,628,385,724.11
(free shipping – US orders only)

remit to:

我放棄 – 叔叔！