I’m sure it’s been around since the dawn of mankind; somebody’s good at doing something but is lacking in the self-promotion gene, so another guy, (calling himself an agent because pimp was simply too self-deprecating and they probably didn’t have those cool hats back then), with an overabundance of “bullshit” DNA, offers to rep guy number one for a piece of his action. Who knew that this would be the way of the world and that pimps would be in charge of everything? Throughout the centuries, layer upon layer of 10, 15 and 20 percenters have taken charge of things menial and monumental and these “agents” now control what we do, what we see and hear, what we buy and when and for how much we are allowed to do, see, hear and buy them. They manipulate inventories to control the cost of goods, they massage the markets to maximize profits, they lobby governments to legislate regulations to their greatest advantage and they do so with seemingly no regard for consequence as if they were somehow not also members of society or inhabitants of the planet they pollute.

At the risk of having to fill my granddaughter’s ‘inappropriate language jar’ with quarters, I’ve just had it with stupid politicians, stupid newsmen and stupid, stupid people talking all around the problems of stupid deficits and stupid budgets and stupid joblessness while stupidly refusing to face up to any of the root causes, ($2.00 so far). Here’s some help:

Revenue – A country needs revenue to provide for the health, education and welfare of it’s citizens. Our tax laws, drafted to provide that income, are nothing more than wasteful declarations of war between armies of highly paid attorneys and an overblown Internal Revenue Service. Pimps watch over all of this to make sure that those getting fucked, (raise your hand if you know who I mean), are the only ones who pay. We don’t need to overhaul our tax laws, we need to shred them. The only fair tax is a simple percentage paid by all; no loop holes, no shelters, no pretend headquarters in The Caymans or Ireland…deficit gone by Tuesday. The IRS will only need a couple of people to open envelopes and deposit checks, and the pimping of taxation will cease to exist.

Budget – Once you collect the dough it’s important to spend it wisely. Prioritization, starting with health, education, infrastructure, (power, water, roads and bridges and reliable, efficient and clean transportation), and public safety, (police, firemen and a manageable, up-to-date military), would be wise. What we don’t need is to grease the palms of multiple levels of zoot-suited middlemen unnecessarily inflating the costs of those line items while exponentially diminishing their value.

Entitlements – There’s a reason they’re called entitlements. If you pay into a pension fund called Social Security, then you’re entitled to collect on it at a reasonable retirement age. If you pay into a health plan called MediCare, that plan should provide the coverage to which you are entitled. The notion of placing the welfare of our aging population in the hands of the private sector would be tantamount to the Eskimo tradition of sending grandma off on an ice floe, (I don’t know any Eskimos and that’s probably not really a tradition, but it’s a cool image for making my point). Our present system is too complicated because it is under constant bombardment from pimping private sector insurers who treat doctors and patients as if they were crack whores and shamefully keeping 80¢ on the dollar while doling out the absolute minimum in fees and services. The dreaded and unmanageable costs of entitlements are the by-products of waste, mismanagement and greed…it’s the pimping, stupid! ($2.25).

Unfortunately, we are at the start of the four-year cycle leading to the National Pimp Enclave aka the Presidential election. The tradition of saying anything, no matter how preposterous, in order to get you in bed with one or the other of the street-walking candidates, has already begun in earnest. Instead of addressing our truly dire circumstances we will now exclusively focus on the stupid, ($2.50), antics of buffoons like Trump and Bachmann and Gingrich. Man…it’s hard out here for a blogger.